In this section, we would articulate three aspects of the playground which Daehaeng constructed from early childhood onward: constituent elements, the “more” dimension, and religious life transition.
4.1. Constituent Elements
Distinctively Daehaeng emphasized two constituents of playground over the later course of her life. The first concerns the necessity of having a firm faith. For her, as Corbett notes (
Corbett 2011, pp. 72–74;
Corbett 2015, pp. 103–18), religious life does not exist as some sort of magic, apart from our need to be personally active and involved. In this respect, she harshly criticized all forms of magical thinking that can occur in religious life. She firmly believed that, through a form of ongoing practice, religious life should exist as a dynamic form of journey. However, the journey is inevitably multifaceted, sometimes quite peaceful or joyful, and at other times harsh and uncomfortable. Especially within the context of some emotional or psychological depressions, one can be tempted to abandon one’s religious faith. Hence, to avoid this, Daehaeng always advised her followers to not avoid bad situations but, instead, to actively embrace our trials with a firm faith (
Daehaeng 2014, pp. 116–18).
This emphasis on the importance of a dialectic dimension accordingly provides a new perspective which is able to embrace opposite sides if now, we are to engage in a critical reflection about the meaning and practice of religious life and so come to its ultimate foundations as this can be found in the life of Daehaeng in the wake of her first experience of Appa in terms of its meaning and being. In fact, if we should speak about dialectical experiences, a dialectic experience was given to her in terms of her “religious conversion” (
Lonergan 1971, pp. 251–53;
Kim 2010), which rejected the conventionality or the reification of Korean kinds of Buddhism. As a result, thus, she was able to establish a new religious foundation, prior to communicating her works in published writings to her many followers. This is the main reason that her works continue to be “reasonably” appealing not only to her followers but also to diverse peoples beyond the boundary of conventional Buddhism.
The second concerns the emphasis that she gave to the importance of the experiential dimension as one’s ultimate, fundamental point of reference. As we noted earlier, Daehaeng’s religious concern in relation to Appa differs from the current type of approach that we tend to find within the context of academic research and the type of religious environment which is often to be found in temple worship and observance. As a point of contrast, she refrained from trying to comprehend her own experience in a way that would be rigidly grounded in doctrinal or speculative issues as we find this within the texts of scripture and their assorted commentaries. Instead, she sought to comprehend things in an experiential way and, as a result, her work became quite unique within the contemporary stream of Korean Buddhism. The emphasis that she gave to the importance of experience drove her to reorient or to creatively revise the Buddhism of her day with respect to its study and practice. In this sense, more so than anyone else, she emphasized how the experiential dimension within the life and practice of contemporary Buddhism is, in fact, more important than the good of meditation and healing as a phenomenon that was also emerging within the life of contemporary Korean Buddhism.
6William James distinguished between two types of religious experience, sudden conversion and gradual preparation (
James [1901] 1929, pp. 163–85;
Kaag 2020). If Daehaeng’s early years were to be ignored and put to the side, then her experience of Appa would be seen as if it were a representative example of a sudden type of religious experience. But, if her early years are viewed in terms of its being a time of preparation, then her experience cannot be viewed as if it were a sudden type of religious experience. Instead, because we find elements of preparation in her early years which led to her conversion, her experience can be identified in a way which sees it as a representative example of a gradual type of religious experience and conversion. However, as a consequence of this tendency, the story of her early life has been unfortunately discountenanced. It has not been seriously integrated into how we are to understand her depth experience of enlightenment, although, simply put, this is a major misunderstanding that is still adhered to by many of her followers and devotees and by most scholars.
4.2. The “More” Dimension
On the basis of these two constituents (faith and experience), Daehaeng developed a sense of her ultimate point of reference, which was embodied in the sense that she had of her playground. She did this through diverse images and acts. Although, within her, she was endowed with an empathic capacity that extended to all beings as her “friends”, initially, she did not have full knowledge about what exactly was her fundamental point of reference. She initially only felt and imagined that which existed as the “more” dimension of her playground before she could reach out fully to an enlightening form of concrete knowledge. In her early childhood years, she was not without a strong feeling of potentiality with respect to this “more” dimension. The more she engaged in a religious form of wondering in adjacent mountainous regions in Korea, the closer she moved toward an encounter or an experience which was able to transform the potentiality of her “more” dimension into an actuality that could come to exist in terms of cognition and knowledge. The emergence of this knowing was, however, not accomplished suddenly but through a long and gradual journey that began for her from the time of her childhood.
In her life, on several occasions that were both pivotal and foundational, her potential feeling and imagination underwent changes in shifts which moved into instances of actual knowledge, although, at every step along the way, her experiences and receptions of understanding and knowledge were never exhaustive. An openness of a “more” (
James [1901] 1929, p. 500;
Kaag 2020) dimension existed. Nevertheless, however, the ultimate point of reference which grounded her notion and sense of playground can be identified, in her works, in terms of three desires, occasions, orientations, or orders of intentionality that encouraged her to move toward a knowledge of this “more” dimension within an awareness that this “more” dimension is something “plus” (
James [1901] 1929, p. 489) that can never be entirely and fully known by her or by any of us.
This quest would require successive orders of intentionality. The first order of intentionality that was oriented toward acquiring some degree of understanding and knowledge originated from a direct experience of Appa that erupted from within the inner depths of her mind when she was only nine years old (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 29). After this first experience, she began to know that Appa exists as the principal source of consolation in her life (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 29). In the years to come, she would try not only to re-experience the consolation of Appa but also to rearrange all other beings including herself in lieu of this early experience (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 29–30), although, visibly or materially, in the circumstances of her later life, nothing differed from the circumstances of her prior life. What changed was her realization that she could no longer exist as her own center as, now, Appa became the new center of her life and playground. Prior to her first experience of Appa, the
locus of Appa existed only as a potentiality but, after her first experience of it, it became a new center in a displacement which marginalized her past place and condition. This change, as the most important moment of awakening for her in her life, encouraged her to try and move toward a more intimate knowledge of this “more dimension” as this refers to the being and reality of Appa (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 30).
The second order of intentionality that was oriented toward an understanding and knowledge of Appa can be found in a later, deeper form of religious quest that ensued after her initial experience of Appa. In this period, Daehaeng became the subject of a number of dynamic experiences that came to her in the wake of her unlimited desires to know Appa. Whether these experiences were given to her in mountainous or urban areas, despite variations in location, she was carried and sustained by an underlying desire to know Appa much more fully than what had been given to her initially. In so seeking and yearning, surprisingly, she stayed for some time at a Catholic Church and thought about possibly becoming a nun (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 34). She also stayed at Buddhist temples in seeking a greater knowledge of Appa and also met a number of monks (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 34). However, she could not find the consolation that she desired that, in some way, resembled the power of her initial experiences (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 35–36). At this time, she met Hanam Sunim in person and, from him, received teachings and advice about the possibilities and probabilities of moving into an in-depth study of mind, although, at the time, she did not clearly or fully understand the meaning of it (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 38). At that time too, at a personal level, she came to regard Hanam Sunim as a personification of Appa because of the comfortable feelings which she had with him, as if he were a grandfather to her (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 40).
4.3. Religious Life Transition
In Daehaeng’s quest to know Appa, three stages or three dynamic instances served as points of transition in her life. The first was an experience of religious thirstiness when she was 18 years old. She could not stay comfortably at home because of her mother’s obstinate requests that she should get married (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 41). However, apart from her experience of religious thirstiness and her desire to experientially know Appa, she indicated that she was quite uninterested in getting married (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 40). Instead, she would frequently go to nearby hillside areas. When alone at home, she would experiment: standing in front of a mirror, she would try to come to a knowledge of Appa (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 42), frequently waiting for several hours for an answer, writing to Appa in words which said that “if, Appa, you exist, you should do it.” She would similarly stay overnight at a temple close to a national cemetery (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 43). However, the more she engaged in these experiments, the more her uncomprehending mother would press her daughter to get married. After a time, Daehaeng decided to leave her family home.
The second instance or stage was the time of her success in secular life when living in Busan and then returning to an earlier concern: the work of
bosalheang (보살행, compassionate service) to help poor laborers. After leaving home, she moved to Busan, where she opened a small repair shop and restaurant. While she was economically successful in her business, her desire to know Appa was not fulfilled. Eventually, she tried to actualize her wishes in terms of trying again to help needy persons who were living in mountainous areas, as she had done prior to her experience of Appa. In the end, however, she could not maintain her life in Busan, given an unceasing desire to grow in her knowledge of Appa. She left Busan and returned to her forest life again in order to pursue her religious quest in adjacent mountainous areas. During this time, when back again in forested regions, she cried out to Appa, with a strong faith, that she wanted to encounter Appa and to let Appa do everything in her life (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 46), although, despite her desires and devotion, she could not be liberated from her religious thirst, from her desire to know Appa.
The third instance or stage began with her life as a novice in a Buddhist temple. After living in a forest, she eventually entered the novitiate at a Buddhist temple. She cut her hair and she continued to yearn and search for a knowledge of Appa (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 47–48). However, because she asked many critical questions about the meaning of Buddhist religious life in her new temple home, she found that she was soon misunderstood and was even thought to be insane. As a result, she was eventually evicted from the temple (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 49–51). After this rejection, she again returned to forest life. Eventually, she went to the Sangwon Buddhist temple in the hope of meeting Hanam Sunim. She was fortunately able to meet him there as well as his disciple Tanheu Sunim. Under Hanam Sunim’s direction, she eventually became a monk on 27 March 1950 (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 53).
More intensely, in this third instance or stage, Daehaeng came to know Appa as her ultimate point of reference after she officially became a Buddhist monk. Although she was initiated to be a monk, officially, she did not belong to any temple. She continued to live in a forested area for the sake of her religious quest in order to come to a fuller knowledge of Appa (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 55–56). However, she often had to return in the daytime to care for her family and run a small shop. At night, she would return to her forest home, where she continued to practice her religious quest. At this time, her desire to come to an experiential knowledge of Appa became so powerful that she could not continue to ask questions, such as “what is it to live?, who am I?, or why can’t I meet Appa?”(
Daehaeng 1993, p. 57). Sometimes, she would not be able to eat for several days and nights and she would repeatedly hear within the same answer that was given to her questions: “if you were to die, then you would see me” (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 57).
In the midst of these struggles and her unquenchable desire for an experience of Appa, she would literally interpret the answer that was given and, at times, she tried to die, attempting suicide several times in order to move toward an experiential knowledge of Appa (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 58–59). For the sake of her religious quest, she began to stay in steep mountainous areas that left her face and body scratched by wounds. On the rare occasion when she came down into a residential area, she was seen by many people, including children, who mocked her, as if she were a mad woman (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 60–61). She also continued to stay within the area of an adjacent national cemetery, where she would engage in a dialogue with various dead spirits (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 62–63). At this time, she began to comprehend more about how compassionate help exists in a mutual way among many living beings within nature, and she came to realize that everything exists in its own way as a living form of scripture.
At this time, Daehaeng began to experience a degree of rest with respect to her burning desire to have more experiential knowledge of Appa. She would have experiences of Appa by merely staring at two large tombs where, respectively, someone’s father and his son were buried (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 78). She speculated that if the father were to come to his son’s tomb, he would become his son and, conversely, if his son were to come to his father’s tomb, he would become his father (
Daehaeng 1993, pp. 78–79). In her experience, they did not exist as separate beings but one being given the kind of crossover that was not existing between the father and the son. Within this experience, she could begin to know that Appa did not dualistically exist as some kind of separate thing occupying a specific place but as
Hanmaeum (One Mind) that was instantly given through a form of unlimited interconnection which exists with respect to all things, whether they are visible or invisible.
In the context of these new experiences, Daehaeng could confirm that the Appa which she had initially experienced and which she was attempting to re-experience in her life could be momentarily “herself,” as her being slipped the tether of any particular (
Daehaeng 1993, p. 79). According to this confirmation which was given to her, she could even change the name of
Appa to
Juingong, where Juingong refers to that which can ceaselessly and momentarily occur in any place, at any time, without the need or necessity of there being any fixed, centering place. Hence, in the absence of a need for any fixed place, Daehaeng could emphasize the meaning of the last syllable, “gong”, in the new name where, now, within this context, Juingong distinctively points to what exists as a meaning for emptiness. In this sense, the only compatibility in terms of literal meaning which exists between Appa and Juingong is restricted to the significance of the syllable “Juin.” The difference in denotation perhaps best explains why, at this time in her life, she was able to change the name of the ultimate point of reference for her playground.