**3. Results**

### *3.1. Typologies of DV and Help-Seeking Behaviours*

The experience of psychological/verbal violence was reported by all victims (*n* = 13), then followed by physical violence (*n* = 12), with the exception of participant P11, who did not identify the latter form of abuse. The social violence, reported by eight participants, involved the restriction and prohibition to establish social contacts with peers, even with parents. Stalking (*n* = 3), sexual violence (*n* = 2) and economic violence (*n* = 1) were the least reported abusive violence typologies by participants. All the participants who acknowledged to disclose DV (*n* = 10), chose to do so through informal sources such as peers (*n* = 6), parents (*n* = 2), mother (*n* = 2) and siblings (*n* = 1). Only five participants reported having also sought formal sources help such as the police (*n* = 4), teachers (*n* = 1) and health (medical) professionals (*n* = 1) (Table 2).


**Table 2.** Participants' help-seeking behaviour and type of experienced dating violence (*n* = 13).

### *3.2. Reasons to Stay in Abusive Dating Relationships*

Victims of DV identify five main reasons to stay in abusive relationships (Table 3).

*Emotional dependence.* Considering the discourses of the twelve participants, emotional dependence is the main reason for remaining in an abusive relationship. In this sense, one victim identified the "blind love" she felt for her partner and that led her to believe that this would be the partner for the entire life, P9: "*I was crazy about him, he was the man I thought he was going to be for my whole life*". "Sick love" was also identified by two other victims as the reason for maintaining the abusive relationship, P11: "*The biggest reason, without being hypocritical, was undoubtedly to like him*", P8: "*It was a sick love*"; or, as mentioned by P12, the fact that the partner had the characteristics that she idealized "*Because he had everything I was looking for in someone* ... *He was a beautiful boy, he was the one.*".

*Change the behaviour o*ff*ender beliefs.* Nine victims justified their investment and maintenance in the dating relationship, based on the hope that, one day, the partner would change the behaviour. As the speech of P10 demonstrates: "*I lost count of the times I cried, I begged, I waited for him to change him back to what he was",* the belief in changing the abusive behaviour of the partner allowed to manage all the su ffering experienced. P12 invoked the positive experiences of the beginning of the dating relationship, namely the most favourable characteristics of the partner, to legitimize the expectations that the behaviour would change and the violence would cease—"*I thought he was going to change, because at the beginning of the relationship he was an impeccable boyfriend, I couldn't imagine anyone better. I was hoping that he would ever get better so I couldn't be accusing him, because he could get better. And I thought it was actually my fault and not his*". P9, in turn, focused on the individual characteristics of the partner to legitimate his abusive conduct, feeding the belief in change: "*I thought he was going to change, because he said he was going to change and that it was going to stop. I thought, that it was with nerves that he did that and that he liked me a lot and that I was the love of his life and that I was the woman for his life and then I apologized once, twice, ten and 20 times, you don't even count the countless times I apologized.*"

*Partner dependence.* According to four participants, dependence on the partner forced the participant to maintain the abusive relationship. A victim objectively identified the fact that she was pregnan<sup>t</sup> and wanted her daughter to benefit from the father's presence in her development, P3: "*My priority in being with him was that my daughter needed a present father. What would become of her without a father?*". P4 also identified the existence of children and the fact that she did not want to separate them from the father figure, as a justification for maintaining the connection to the abusive partner, also adding the financial dependence of the partner and her di fficulty in being able to meet the needs of her four children alone,

P4: "*Perhaps the strongest reason were my children! because I had in my mind that I couldn't separate them from the father. That wasn't fair to them! And then also the financial condition, because I was banned from working because it was useful! And as such it was complicated to leave the house like this with our children without anyone because I had no family background*". The fear of the implications of the children not living with the father was also identified by P11: "*First, that my daughters didn't grow up without a father and second, I never complained because I didn't want to be the reason why their father was in jail*".

*Social pressure*. Two victims identified the pressure from the family, as having been the source of maintaining the abusive relationship. P11 alluded to the pressure exerted by the mother: "*My mother used to say that it was the life that I chose and that I had to endure it* ... *It would be a shame to separate*". P13 identified the fact that her partner's family legitimized the abusive relationship because she was pregnant: "*Because his family said that I should be with him, and that it was shameful to be a single mother*".

Feeling of guilt. The maintenance of the abusive relationship also emerged, supported by feeling of guilt by two victims, P4: "Either it was out of jealousy, or it was because I came upset and I even thought it was my fault" and P11: "My mother knew everything and she said it was the life that I had chosen, I had to tolerate it as she also tolerated it."


**Table 3.** Reasons to stay in abusive dating relationships.

### *3.3. Barriers to Help-Seeking or Leave Abusive Dating Relationships*

Participants identified di fferent barriers to help-seeking before (i.e., from the moment they did search for help) or during the abusive relationship, which constrained their leaving, as indicated in Table 4.

*Threats.* Five participants identified threats to themselves or others, namely family, as one of the main obstacles to seek help and leave abusive relationships. Thus, P1 claimed that her various efforts to end the relationship were followed by threats to her physical integrity, P1: "*I tried to break up with him o*ff *and he said it would happen to me like the case of a boyfriend who hit his girlfriend with an axe on the head and I was afraid, I had no one to turn to. So, I stayed with him because he was completely psychopathic. He was waiting for me at the door behind the trash can*". P5 also identified threats directed at her and her immediate family members as obstacles to ask for help and leave the abusive relationship: "*He threatened to kill me and my parents and sister*". The fear that the partner would comply with the threats made was identified by P1 as an instigator of inaction in the face of the abusive situation: "*It was threats and fear. I was very afraid. He said that if I told someone, if I complained about him or if he knew that someone knew what was happening, that he was going to kill me. It was fear. It was out of fear that I didn't report*" and for P13: "*I lived in fear that something would be done to me because he said he was going to kill me* ... *I had no family support. I was alone and I was ashamed*".

*Fear of losing partner.* Four participants justified their di fficulty in asking for help and leaving the abusive relationship, given the fear of losing the partner, because they were unable to find another dating partner, as it can be seen in the P2 statement: "*I want him to stay with me and that's why I never even told anyone*". Another victim identified the implications that disclosure of the abusive situation could have on the physical distance of the partner, P9: "*First of all, I didn't want to leave him, it's true, I didn't want to leave him for anything. For example, if I told my mother what could happen is that she was going to press charges and that was unthinkable for me. I didn't want him any harm. I wanted him to stay with me and I never even told anyone and I su*ff*ered for myself* ". P8 also mentioned the su ffering she was subjected to in order to preserve her dating relationship: " ... *I was humiliated, and I subjected myself, for example, to betrayals so as not to lose him*".

*Shame.* Shame also emerged as an indicator of embarrassment in the request for help, in the shame of facing others and taking on abusive dating experiences, as shown by the P8 and P4: "*That was always the shame! We are ashamed to admit what we have been through! And as long as we haven't changed our thinking, we believe things will change! And that is completely wrong*". Another victim, P13, mentioned the shame of assuming herself as a single mother: "*It was shameful to be a single mother*".

*Consequences for the partner.* The request for help has consequences for the abusive partner, something that three participants identified as having motivated their decision not to seek help, blocking them from leaving the abusive relationship. More specifically, P9 and P12 alluded to the implications that the complaint could have on the partner, e.g., P12: "*I didn't report him because I ended up always apologizing and I didn't want anything to happen to him*" and P11 considered the fear that the partner could be arrested: "*I never complained because I didn't want to be the reason he was in jail*".

*Non-recognition of violence.* Failure to identify the abusive situation was pointed out by three participants. Specifically, one participant identified the di fficulty to recognize psychological aggression, e.g., P2: "*I never thought that what I su*ff*ered was violence. Physical violence is something palpable, the psychological is not seen. If you do not see it, it is okay*" and P7 talked about confusing abusive behaviour with demonstrations of love: "*I thought that what was happening was love*".

*Lack of support*. Two participants identified the lack of social support or the reduced e ffectiveness and availability of their support network to assist in the managemen<sup>t</sup> of the abusive situation, as observed in the statements of P13: "*My mother asked me if I was sure I wanted to press charge, she said to think better"*, and P6: "*I didn't have a lot of close family, my elder brother had died years before, I have a chronic depressive mother and an absent father*"


**Table 4.** Barriers to help-seeking or leave abusive dating relationships.

Knowledge of parents. The fear of parents' reaction towards DV was also identified by two participants, P1: "If my parents found out, they would never let me leave the house or have someone" and P7: "I was afraid my parents would know and there was a disgrace."

### *3.4. Leaving Abusive Relationships: "Break Up" Challenges*

Of the total of victims interviewed, ten assumed to disclose DV: eight did so during the abusive relationship and two victims only disclosed DV after the end of the relationship. All participants had, at the time of the interview, already left the abusive relationship. Despite the several reports about maintaining abusive relationships and the difficulties expressed by the victims in leaving the abusive partner and seeking help, it was also possible to identify other agency discourses that would eventually contribute to encouraging the decision to "break up" the abusive relationship. Thus, two participants pointed out the public disclosure of their abusive situation as having been crucial to prevent possible setbacks in their decision making to leave the abusive partner, P1: "*I needed people to know everything, so they would not make me go back to that person"* or as a way to limit possible implications on future relationships, P5: "*I only felt ready to speak at that time and then my past would be interfering with relationships I could have after this*".

The participants also reported the need to be aware of what a healthy relationship implies, namely that it should involve respect, love, complicity, equality as it is possible to observe in the following excerpts: P6: "*A companionship, a mutual assistance based on respect and complicity that has to override even the feelings, much more than a union of interests*", P3: "*There is support, which is due to the support of men or women* ... *There is equality. But above all respect, as it is evident*", P9: "*To me, an ideal love is to have a man that I have confidence in, that respects me, that is by my side when I need him, both in bad times and in good time. The one who have the same life goals and who want the best for us two. A*ff*ection, love, respect, trust, understanding the other person and being patient when something is not right. I don't believe in love for life, but I believe in wanting things to work*".

The speeches of the victims also signal their ability to re-evaluate and reinterpret the abusive situation in which they were involved, the recognition of the negative implications that the abusive behaviour had on their well-being and the importance of showing a level of self-reliance in relation to meeting their own needs. Some of the participants' speeches in this regard are mentioned: P2: "*The most important thing is to like ourselves and if we subject ourselves to su*ff*ering for behaviours that we don't agree with, we shouldn't be like that*", P3: "*At first I thought that [that it was best to be with him] but then I started to realize that it was not living, that it was not good for me, that it brought me su*ff*ering*", P4: "*Until I changed! Yes, it was I who had to change my thinking and say I didn't want that anymore! Because as long as our thinking doesn't change, it's no use doing anything and we always come back to the same*", P5: "*I left, because no, we are not obliged to subject ourselves to inappropriate behaviour on the part of anyone. I didn't stay, I made a decision that I knew it would cost me a lot but I left the house. I knew that if I continued, there I would be another victim in the statistics and I had to think about my daughter*", P10: "*I got rid of a monster and managed to have life goals, self-esteem, and self-esteem did not return overnight. I started dreaming again, dreaming that I had a future*".
