**2. Background**

It is on this backdrop that I examined autoethnography as a research method and its synergy with researching Sikhi from the window of lived experience, defined here as the "personal knowledge about the world gained through direct, first-hand involvement in everyday events rather than through representations constructed by other people" (Chandler and Munday 2011).

Research that uses any number of methods to make meaning of religion from its ideas, thoughts, and scripture alone often provides a partial truth as theory and praxis diverge in the communities

<sup>2</sup> I have integrated meaningful or demonstrative extracts to provide rich text and imagery in this essay. They are from my journal and contribute toward a part of my doctoral research into gurbani kirtan for which I am currently using the autoethnographic method.

that use it (Harvey 2014, p. 83). In comparison, the lived experience advocates a level of impartiality toward the study of religion from practice and not simply fixed to the contents of scriptures or doctrines (McGuire 2008, p. 185).

Sikhi has a traditional sense-making process that can be traced back from the Sikh Guru period ¯ to present times. The lived experiences of Sikhs in history are memorialized in the ardas3, a prayer concluding the morning and evening recitations of bani, a collection of musico-poetic passages that are read or sung as a fixed prayer. The Sikh sense-making process is situated in the lived experience and involves a reflexive practice (Mandair 2013, p. 134). Similarly, in autoethnography the foregrounding of self is inherent: to understand and interpret the lived experience of others, relative to one's own position located in the culture. Our experiences unquestionably shape how we view the world ye<sup>t</sup> should not be the only source upon which we construct our understanding of it. However, presenting a background on the relevant aspects of our values, privileges, and assumptions helps the reader to follow the threads of new knowledge creation (Greenbank 2003).

Autoethnographers approach their research from different orientations including performative, musical, poetic, visual, and narrative representations (Roulston 2018). It is impractical to apply the same criteria to all forms of autoethnography, thereby making it difficult to determine the rigor of the research, a fact not missed by critics of autoethnography. Developing a definitive criterion also risks recreating the foundationalism and inflexibility found in traditional positivist and empirically based research.

When undertaking research, autoethnographers have a set of shared "priorities, concerns, and ways of doing research" (Adams et al. 2015, p. 26). These design features when doing autoethnographic projects have two main spaces of synergy within Sikhi's established philosophical undertaking of gurma<sup>t</sup> vichhar. By its nature, gurma<sup>t</sup> vichhar includes a foregrounding of personal experience and use of reflexivity, which is also present in ways of doing autoethnography. In addition, there is an overlap with the relational responsibility in crafting stories and creating collaborative knowledge that is accessible to the communities researched. Finally, both exist as forms of resistance with the intent to shift power dynamics and offer a platform for disregarded voices and a transformative potential.

#### **3. Autoethnography and Gurmat Vichhar—A Sense-Making Process**

Every person operates consciously or unconsciously under an umbrella of core values and beliefs. In conjunction with genes, temperament, and environment it is the hidden influence behind every decision, behavior, and habit. Qualitative research is underpinned by reality and truth that is constructed and shaped through the interaction between people and the environment in which they live. In autoethnography "who you are has a central place in the research process, because you bring your [self] ... to your research" (Kirkby and Kate 1989).

Autoethnography is a relatively young qualitative research method within the social sciences, which has been successfully used in exploring complex emotional and social topics including culture, space, religion, and education (Chang 2016; Adams et al. 2015; Alexander 1999; Harris 2008; Whitinui 2014). Autoethnographers utilize a personal, insider experience to demonstrate the complexities that shape their world views and by extension how they respond in different spaces and situations. Their back stories offer insights that others may use to gain a better sense of self and others. As a research method, autoethnography welcomes research that acknowledges a community's own internal method of knowing and being, regardless of whether one is formally represented in academia in the way indigenous, feminist, or postcolonial theories exist, thus making autoethnography open to a Sikhi-infused research paradigm.

For Sikhs, an indigenous mode of reasoning and thinking, central to the teachings of Sikhi, is one based upon a deep and complete awareness of the nature of Ik (One) that is not simply theorized

<sup>3</sup> Literal translation: petition.

but directly experienced. It is a belief system rooted in gurmat. Etymologically, *Gur* is wisdom/Guru¯ and *Mat* is understanding/belief, originating with Ik Oankar4. The One being manifest as Word and expounded through sabad, the musico-poetic texts from the Guru Granth Sahib, a linguistic, ¯ cultural, self-contained text of embodied wisdom compiled by the Sikh Gurus. Gurmat vichhar is the ¯ contemplation-exegesis of the lived experience through a lens of Gurbani, the *living* word, which helps to build a greater knowing, recognition, and awareness of one's true nature beyond the subjective self-identity created from the ego-mind (Mandair 2013, p. 131). As an established philosophical undertaking, it helps ordinary Sikhs reflect upon the Guru's teaching as well as o ¯ ffering insight on how to apply that knowledge effectively to life.

In history the lived experiences of the Gurus demonstrated an embodiment of ¯ *knowing* Ik Oankar that extended outwards to a *being* of Ik Oankar in the personal and the universal, in the Nirgun<sup>5</sup> (invisible/absolute) and Sargun<sup>6</sup> (visible/manifest) spaces. For Sikhs today, this sense making exists through the presence of *living* word, the Guru Granth Sahib (GGS) ( ¯ Shackle and Mandair 2005).

What is the living word? Freire (2005) labels reflection and action as the two sides of the *true word,* which constitutes the "essence of dialogue". A deficiency of either renders the word *unauthentic* and incomplete, for reflection without action cannot transform reality and action without reflection is doing without praxis and direction. In the current digital era where information is widely distributed and freely accessed, there is no shortage of knowledge or data. However, accumulation of knowledge does not equate to wisdom without the self being an active part of the equation.

The body, heart, and mind synchronicity so often missing in modern life contributes to the rising number of mental health issues (Alberti 2009). Illustrating this, Jung analysist Woodman (1993) explains: "Unless an incident is made conscious, it does not happen in the soul. It has to be thought about, written about, painted, danced, made into music ... it must move from literal to metaphoric if it is to assimilate into the soul's flowering". Music, art, poetry, etc. are a bridge between the head and heart. The poetic nature and the intentional ascribing of a musical measure (raag) to gurbani reiterates the emphasis for an emotional personal connection and multisensory engagemen<sup>t</sup> to sabad and, by extension, the present moment. It is an experience situated in the human body that facilitates a process of chiseling tangible transformation with, through, and by sabad at a subconscious level.

Autoethnographers are encouraged to consider if text alone is the most effective and accessible way to disseminate their work to a non-academic audience, especially where the intent is to maximize transformation potential and induce change. Music, dance, film, and photography can be readily shared via the Internet and are equally viable media for information exchange that do not require a high level of prerequisites, equipment, or access to resources. By being intentional in the 'rituals' of research and religion and taking ownership in the way things are done, there is a real potential for the wisdom of an earlier epoch to join with the present lived experience. Gurmat vichhar is a form of introspection arising from a curiosity of everyday thoughts and interactions: the lived experience and sense making that comes from ruminating on the sabad, resulting in an active application of new knowledge and understanding in the way we live our lives.

#### *3.1. Bridging the Lived Experience*

Universities are culpable of knowledge exchange built on research that is less and less about the communities they are situated in, earning the epithet 'ivory tower' (Kristof 2014). Research funders are strong influencers in determining the topics, methods, and findings of research, which may exclude particular less influencing, socially disadvantaged stakeholders and their interests. Academic institutions focus on jumping through hoops for outdated methods of ranking, such as the Research

<sup>4</sup> The phonetic symbol for the creative binding Force that exists in everything and the opening signifier of the Guru Granth ¯ Sahib (GGS).

<sup>5</sup> The One in a non-existence, formless, wave potential, all pervading state that cannot be predicated.

<sup>6</sup> The One in manifested visible existence form that can be predicated.

Excellence Framework in the UK and the Times Higher Education World University Rankings. The consequences are strategic prioritizing of research likely to have measurable short-term impact on position and rank than on innovative work with the potential for shifting paradigms and redefining fields (Sayer 2014). High competition and low pay with little to no benefits and zero hour contracts are increasingly prevalent overall, disproportionately affecting members of historically disadvantaged groups (Hansson et al. 2015), subsequently reducing social and intellectual diversity in centers of learning.

Autoethnography emerged in response to a 'crisis of representation' in the mainstream relational, cultural, and political spheres (Adams et al. 2015, p. 11). The widening accessibility enabled nontraditional students (working-class, minority-ethnic, female, mature students, etc.) to study at higher education institutions, paving a path for new possibilities of thought and research methods (indigenous, feminist, critical race theory, etc.) to be bought into the current institutions (Gilardi and Guglielmetti 2011). These theories acknowledged and incorporated subjectivity and the lived experiences of the researchers such as epiphanies and traumatic interactions as factors in constructing sociological understanding, while acknowledging that the "perceptions of the insider are often unique, sometimes complex and at times subtle of a phenomenon" (Adams et al. 2015), ultimately bridging the subjective and insider experiences to a larger, external, relational culture.

The situating of personal experience to make sense of the wider culture is consistently demonstrated and referenced in the Sikh tradition. The Guru Granth Sahib repeatedly refers to a knowing of the ¯ Divine Light (jot saroop7) from an experience of being, like the mute who tastes the sweet candy but cannot speak of it8. Contextualizing of experience is also found in other literary works of the Sikh tradition including (Bhai9) Gurdas's<sup>10</sup> vars (ballads) and kabits (quatrains)11, in which rhetorical devices and metaphors are used to create a type of multisensory intratextual experience for the reader. Since words alone fall short, understanding of sabad through reflection of actions is a necessary catalyst. When actions are inseparable from the creator-source, like a dancer lost in the dance, an ∞ infinity loop is formed, such that the inspiration and source of the dance (gurbani) is both inseparable and undistinguishable from the dancer (practitioner); thus, the heart, mind, and body function in unison. In this way both autoethnography and gurma<sup>t</sup> vichhar value the personal perspective of the experiential as it is situated in culture, fostering an epistemology of self from the inside moments of lived experience. In addition, they both resist conformity to 'legitimate' forms of knowledge creation fixated in a positivistic perspective (Wall 2006).

While a disconnect between religious belief enshrined in text and the actual practice of religion is well documented, for Sikhs the establishment of a community by Guru N¯ anak, the first Gur ¯ u of the ¯ Sikhs, at Kartarpur was an infinity loop of theory and praxis. (Bhai) Gurdas describes the establishment of Kartarpur in his vars, as 'minting a new coin' (Maariaa sika jagati vichi naanak niramal pandu chalaaiaa, Var 1:45). Kartarpur was a communal experiment come to life, a blueprint of a village life with equal emphasis on spiritual and socio-political commitment. At a risk of overly romanticizing Kartarpur as a distant past utopia, there is evidence from the geographical location of the establishment of the Kartarpur community to support a confluence of "the urban culture of Khatris" (trader or business caste) who held positions of leadership and the "rural culture of peasantry" that made up a large proportion of the followers (Mann 2010). Although the exact social composition of the early Sikh community is difficult to confirm, there is significant evidence to sugges<sup>t</sup> that it may have been at the lower end of the social-economical caste system, if part of the caste system at all (Singh 2010).

<sup>7</sup> The common light.

<sup>8</sup> 'Jin eh chakee sohee jahni gongae kee mithiaee' (Guru R¯ am D ¯ as, M4, Sorath 9, GGS, p. 607). ¯

<sup>9</sup> Literal translation: brother, also a title given to acknowledge and honor a learned Sikh.

<sup>10</sup> Known in full as Gurdas Bhalla, renowned poet, writer, and theologian, whose work is an authoritative source for Sikh life (Gill 2017, p. 2).

<sup>11</sup> That extol the beauties of the spiritual experience (Gill 2017, p. 3).

In the Guru Granth Sahib, there are four sabads that form the Babar Vani, which recounts a lived ¯ experience of the invasions of Babar (1483–1530), the first Mughal emperor of India. As an eyewitness to the political reality created during these invasions, Guru N¯ anak captures the ferocity of the battle ¯ and the su fferings of the people in accents of intense power and protest (Singh 2020b). In addition, the author places the events in the larger social and historical perspective, including connecting the parallel decline in moral standards and a corrupt political system (Jakobsh and Walton-Roberts 2016). Ultimately, these verses cultivate "the spirit of speaking truth to power among the Sikhs at most critical junctures" (Singh 2020b) and, like autoethnographies, are unapologetically bound to social justice aims, with the intention to make a change in themselves and their cultures through their research.

#### *3.2. Reflexivity—"Search Your Own Heart Every Day–Do Not Wander around in Confusion*<sup>12</sup>*"*

The concept of reflexivity is relatively familiar among the research community. In autoethnography it involves acknowledging and critiquing one's own place and privilege in society. In my parallel role as a registered health professional in the UK, I am required to submit a continuous professional development (CPD) portfolio to remain on the healthcare register. The portfolio includes written evidence based on a reflective cycle that may begin as an unplanned learning; "an event occurs that causes a learning activity to be undertaken or carried out without any prior thought or planning" (Dowdall 2018). Working from the inside out, autoethnography is similar to an *unplanned* learning activity, whereby an event or epiphany prompts a *pause and reflect* on our current understanding and beckons a second glance "inward—into our identities, thoughts, feelings and experiences—and outward—into our relationships, communities, and cultures" (Adams et al. 2015, p. 46). For the researcher, reflexivity involves critical self-reflection on the ways "social background, assumptions, positioning and behavior impact on the research process" (Finlay and Gough 2003, p. 14).

Self-reflexivity may be discursive, language dominated, where the observation unfolds through a symbolic medium like an internal dialogue or through a conversation with another. Concurrently, it can be embodied, i.e., physical sensation dominated, where the observation unfolds through a corporeal medium like meditation, music, or movement (Pagis 2009). Self-reflexivity, which is often closely linked with the discursive written or language medium, also benefits from embodied reflexivity, especially in cases where a practice of the other senses is involved, e.g., sound in music. However, even with an unconscious exclusion of other senses, there is usually some overlap. For example, if something makes you angry, you may say 'that makes my blood boil' and at the same time experience a physical response like a warm feeling or clenched fists. Being conscious of our feelings and emotions in a given moment and the parallel internal commentary helps to reveal a plethora of new insights. Like a rainbow, which is only visible when light exits a water droplet at an exact angle of 42 degrees from our line of sight, these insights are made (revealed) when the environment is conducive. Gurmat vichhar requires an active dedication to self-reflexivity, a relationship with sabad and curiosity for life. In addition, access to your tribe or sanga<sup>t</sup> (congregation) helps to gain clarity, insight and understanding. The socially distant measures of lockdown have highlighted the privileges of having accessibility to such networks. To provide a (pre-lockdown) example, I share the following journal extract on my gurbani kirtan class. Gurbani kirtan is the musical and vocal performance primarily of the compositions found in the Guru Granth Sahib. The class is a small gathering of about five students ¯ and teacher taking place in the home of one of the students.
