*3.7. The Curses of Isolation*

Many participants believed COVID-19 had been a blessing but also a nightmare for their family. As noted in the preceding section, the first participant contrasted being free from the pressure to be a "super mom" against feeling as if she was living a nightmare. Using strong sentiments, she said, "In bad moments I just want to cry because of the pandemic. I am so sad that I can't share her [the baby] with anyone". This mother believed that sharing the experiences of having a new baby was important and felt sadness that she was not able to do this on account of the public health orders in place. Feeling 'so sad' revealed the meaning this experience held for this mother and that it was very significant. This was further emphasized as the participant gave more context to her experiences.

We were supposed to fly to Alberta to see my family at the end of March but had to cancel the trip. This is my family's first grandchild so it just breaks my heart they will miss her whole babyhood. I also feel so alone with the baby. I have nobody here to help me figure out what is normal or how to progress through these early days. Although people can video chat it isn't the same. I just want somebody to be in the room with me and the baby to see the things she can do and help me with things.

While isolation created the opportunity to bond together and feel free from outside pressures, it also created concerns. This participant expressed that she felt like she was missing opportunities to share the joy of her baby with others, which also resulted in lost moments for her and her baby. In the above quote, the mother also expressed feeling a lack of support and that although there were other options, like video chat, they were not the same. It was important to have others physically in the room to help which was not possible during this time. Without such in person support she felt loss on what was normal or how to progress as a new mother. New mothers are often faced with many contradictory social discourses on how to be mothers and what is best for their babies. Many participants felt that if public health measures requiring that people stay within their household were not in place than they would be better able to access support from others to help them figure out what was "normal" for new babies (discourses of normalcy). Previous research has explored how mothers navigate the discourses of normalcy through networks and connections with other new parents [22,23]. However, these usual networks were generally not accessible during the COVID-19 pandemic.
