*3.2. Amira Ipek*

Amira Ipek is a mother of two children, a boy aged 11 and a girl aged 6. Amira lives overseas in a Latin American country with her husband and children, and both she and her husband work in international development. Amira is originally from a country in the Balkans but lived and worked in the United States for over 15 years. Amira is a linguist by training and speaks several languages fluently and without an accent. She is the daughter of a diplomat and hence grew up in many countries of the world. She has worked in international development for 20 years, as a translator, in judicial reform, in knowledge management, and in business development. She is an active trainer in the country in which she lives, training teams in monitoring, evaluation, and learning, and she also consults with several companies. Much of her work can be completed virtually, so the switch to working exclusively from home was not very "challenging" or "an upward battle". What was challenging was her family living together in one space.

The country in which Amira currently lives with her family had very strict lockdown regulations. Only one family member could leave home once per week to go to the grocery store or the pharmacy. If people were caught out more than this, or caught driving, they could be sent away to detention centers where people were in quarantine from COVID. Hence, during lockdown, they were virtually under house arrest.

Amira said her children were uprooted and disrupted in their day-to-day routine. In their minds, they had trouble differentiating school and family. They did not have a break between two routines.

Amira recounted that lockdown was challenging for all of them because they were under one roof. Her children would study while she and her husband worked. She and her husband had to be supportive and supervise what their children were doing online.

Fortunately, her children are computer-literate. As Amira said, "they were born with a chip already and so it was natural for them to manipulate technology. But they needed to gain a new skill in sitting in front of a computer screen all day and get used to seeing their teachers online and talking to their teacher in a very impersonal way". This situation represented "a deluge of new information for everyone, new routines, new expectations and they adapted, they adapted well. There was no room for error, they were thrown into it just like all of us were thrown into it. And they swam".

Amira reported that she and her husband had to help her young daughter learn how to learn online and to understand that every 45 min there would be a change in class and teacher. It took about one month for her daughter to understand and be comfortable with the radically new routine. It was challenging for both children to sit in front of a screen for three to four hours per day.

Amira's family's routine was very different, she said, with everyone under one roof trying to work while making sure that kids were plugged in. The situation was very challenging. The pressure was psychological, and how they felt emotionally and socially being in their apartment days on end weighed on them. There was no precedent, and they had to learn "as they were going".

Amira drew her river of experience by depicting that she and her family were on a boat when the pandemic hit. Suddenly, the river widened extensively, and they could no longer see the shore or any people or even houses. Huge logs floated toward them, many of them, and they had to dodge the logs as they floated down this wide river. As the pandemic began to get more under control, the river narrowed again, the logs disappeared, and they could see shore and people and houses again. As Amira said, "with the pandemic the river widened and was just like the Amazon and there were logs coming our way that I did not know how to handle. I tried to swerve around them but some of them hit me and I had to learn how to get past them without being hurt. As the pandemic worsened, we were in that boat in the middle of the river and could not see people or even the shore since we could not see any where to land or anyone to save us. We were on our own".

Amira's special object was the Yugoslavian flag. "I always carry it with me, it is part of who I am ... a little passport ... that reminds me of change, change like in the COVID context. This flag was part of me and always is a reflection of where I came from of who I am. It is my flag". Amira explained that change is inevitable, but even through changes, there are some things that are indelible and stick with us, such as the Yugoslavian flag. The flag, Amira recounted, "reminds me of potential, of how change can help you grow ... and get you out of your comfort zone sometimes too abruptly, uncomfortably ... get out of our safe zone. Seizing those opportunities, working through that, having those moments of introspection is important for growth, for health. ... The past, present, and future is like a river and this flag is where the river started with me ... The flag is a symbol that change is inevitable and that things will exist and will perish ... Although this change was monumental, it provided me a lot of opportunities and made me the person I am today. The flag is always a reminder of where I came from".

Amira reflected that the pandemic is the second time she was in lockdown, the first time being when NATO bombed the Balkans. "This shouldn't happen", she exclaimed.

*"It caused and incited a level of awareness I didn't have prior to pandemic—the pandemic as a 'mental psychological reboot'* ... *The pandemic taught us to live our lives more self-aware, to be more introspective and more aware of our environment and of the fundamentals".*

Amira's work did not change during the pandemic. She continued training. However, the mode of training differed in that she could only train virtually, a change that she did not like. She missed the interaction with training participants where she could "read the room" and obtain a clearer sense of where participants "were at". As Amira explained, "the screen is a barrier in terms of training ... I need to feel the dynamic of the room—like kids with school—need interplay—need the group—to feel them, where they are going, support one another, working groups, and so on".
