Intimate Partner Violence and Resilience: The Experience of Women in Mother-Child Assisted Living Centers
Abstract
:1. Introduction
1.1. IPV and Resilience
1.2. The Current Study
2. Materials and Methods
2.1. Participants and Procedure
2.2. Data Collection
2.3. Data Analysis
3. Results
3.1. Improvement in the Mother–Child Relationship
“Here, when you are in a mother–child living center, you are only with her, you have just to think about her, so the bond develops more in depth. I see the difference with my other kids…I had many things to think about. Instead, here I have tried to take the best of this path and I am fully enjoying my baby”(A.).
“Here, we have many activities to share with the children, can spend good time with them. You know, when you come from a harmful condition, as I do, you really need to create a good relationship with your child, because he has seen awful scenes and can put a blame on you. Spending time with children can help them in trusting us again. This path is helpful in this sense”(G.F.).
“Since you are alone with her, you immediately feel every need she has, because you devote yourself just to her for 24 hours”(A.).
“When you play with babies, you enter their world. That play is their life in that moment. They talk to you. I can tell them a story. And I enter their world, and in this way I understand if a child is sad or happy”(D.).
“Before, when my child called me to play with him, I used to answer ‘play alone, mam has many things to do’, I didn’t pay attention to his requests. Now I do. You know, he asks you so many questions, he tells you about the school and he really likes it when you are there just to listen. This is a big change the Center helped me to make and I am aware of it”(L.).
“I used to say ‘Yes’, always ‘Yes’, and so my kids had no rules. The educators taught me to give them few simple rules: listen, don’t fight, play together. Normal rules kids are usually given”(G.F.).
“I have learnt that the child should not be excluded and neglected. If kids understand that you really listen to them, they will grow up with this idea. And one day, if something is wrong, they’ll know that they can rely on their mother, they can tell her their problems”(L.).
“Sometimes, we bicker, and he doesn’t want to talk to me. Thanks to the educators, I go there and really try to have him talk because I know that he has a desperate need to communicate. I know that the past was not easy, even for him”(N.).
“After this path, I’ve learnt that you have to be patient when a child cries or has a tantrum. You have to ask: ‘What’s wrong? Are you hungry? Are you sad? Why are you crying?’. I didn’t know that before. I asked just once ‘why are you crying?’ and stopped. Now I am more patient with my children and I ask them until I understand why they are crying o are having a tantrum in that moment”(D.).
3.2. The Process of Personal Change
“I’ve grown so much, with the educators’ help! Once I got in the Center, I started to know myself. I didn’t know anything about me, in the past I was shown only my negative features. I’ve familiarized with myself…before I couldn’t see me. This is a very big change”(A.R.).
“I’ve changed many things… I deal with problems with more resolution, I carry out the commitments I make…I feel changed, I am more mature, let’s say. I can manage my situation as a whole”(A.).
“They [the educators] have shown me the importance of being a mother, of being a woman. If a man hurts you, you don’t have to completely humiliate yourself”(G.F.).
“About my limitations and insecurity, I’ve understood that I can make it. I will make it once I will be out of this Center. I don’t need anyone, just someone to show me the way”(D.).
“The Center helped me knowing many aspects of G. that I didn’t know. I mean…I grew up without a real family, I was alone, in a boarding school. I’ve always hoped something would change with G., but it didn’t happen…this path made me reason about who G. really is”(G. F.).
“I lived my life in fear. Living with fear is not easy at all. I had no self-esteem. Now, thanks to the love I was given here, I’ve regained many things I missed. Now I’m fine”(N.).
“I would make other choices than those I made in the past… I was not strong enough with him, my self-esteem was too low, and I endured too much… if I could get back to the past, I would run away sooner from my situation and would protect my children, much more…but only now I can understand this kind of stuff…”(G.).
“When I fell in love with my husband, I thought he was more capable than me. Then I realized it was untrue. I was pregnant and had to go to the soup kitchen because he didn’t want to work. The house was cold, and we had no hot water. Oh no, If I could go back, I would escape sooner”(A.R.).
3.3. The Rebuilding of Trust Relationships
“You know, we come from different countries, we have different thought, and cultures, we have to learn to live together. And the Center has helped me to live social relationships in a better way. I have improved my relations with others”(G.).
“I don’t get angry so fast, now. I try to understand people. We are all humans. I‘ve changed my attitude here and I try to have the same attitude also with people outside the Center: at school, at the office, on the bus… I am patient, and my relationships are better”(D.).
“I had the chance to develop good relationships with other mums here… At the beginning, when other mums did some activities with their children, they tried to involve me. They said ‘Come on, this shall pass, you’ll see’. And they were right: by continuing to persist, things have changed, and I am grateful to them for their invitation”(L.).
“I don’t think that living here, with other women, has helped me in improving my attitudes toward others. I did all by myself. Many mums just tell you their story because they want to pour out. But they are not really interested in you”(A.).
“There’s no friend here. If you tell someone something, it’s just because you don’t have any other people to talk to”(J.).
“I was a girl who left everything for her husband. I was completely dependent on him. I had no friends. Today, after more than one year, I have all that I desire: male friends, female friends, freedom…all the relations that I hadn’t before”(G.F.).
“Everytime I went out of the Center, I was afraid to meet people who hurt me. Educators have helped me so much! They told me to remain near the Center and to avoid my old areas. Today I go out and I have no problem. I have found again my sister and my family. I can spend time with them, and this makes me feel strong. Now I know that when my sister scolds me it’s because she loves me. Now I know that to be happy I need my family”(N.).
3.4. Attitudes and Hopes Toward the Future
“Having a good family, passing down to my children important values, being a responsible mum…not different, but more responsible. I can’t wait! And with the work done here, I can make it”(A.).
“Today, my main project is creating a stable family. I want my child to have stability, both familiar and school stability. Yes, a secure family environment”(L.).
“My goals are: finding a job, having a house, waking up every morning to take him to the nursery school. Living as normal people who don’t live in a Center”(J.).
“Now my future is with a job and with my children. I hope I will find a job soon”(G.F.).
“The job is important if you are a single mum. You have a lot of expenses, and having a job is necessary and useful. I think you should have a job even if you are in a relationship: being self-sufficient is fundamental”(A.).
“Next week, I’ll go back to school. In Nigeria I had school degrees, but they are not valid here in Italy. Finding a job is very important and can completely change my life. I can pay for my child’s school. If he needs an exercise book, I can buy it”(J.).
“I am alone in this country. I am receiving support, food, a house. But having a job could really change my life. For my children’s needs, for me as well. With a job, I could live with them and be autonomous. And I could save some money for them, for their future”(G.).
“I’ve thought about my future so many times! And I have talked with educators here, of my plans, my expectations, my fears…it was effective. We’ve planned what I can do when I will go out… I can cook, I like cleaning, looking after children. I’ve realized that I can be a mum and at the same time I can have a job that I like”(D.).
“I shared with the educators my plans and they have supported me. Talking with them, I’ve understood that I would like to work in a coffee shop. I know that when there’s something wrong, I feel better if I prepare meals and coffees. So, I’ve decided to do something new”(G.F.).
“[The professionals] help you understand what it’s better for you, for your future and that of your child. You may know many things, but perhaps you don’t see what it’s better for you. They are essential to show you what it’s right, how you can start again”(L.).
4. Discussion
5. Conclusions
Author Contributions
Funding
Acknowledgments
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Participant | Age | Country of Origin | Children (Age) | Educative Path Duration |
---|---|---|---|---|
A. | 38 | Italy | 3 (1, 16, 21 years.) | 13 months |
D. | 33 | Nigeria | 2 (2, 4 years) | 23 months |
G. | 32 | Peru | 4 (1, 5, 8, 15 years) | 14 months |
J. | 19 | Nigeria | 1 (2 years) | 2 years |
G.F. | 29 | Italy | 2 (4, 5 years) | 15 months |
L. | 25 | Italy | 1 (5 years) | 1 year |
N. | 42 | Morocco | 3 (9, 16, 20 years) | 14 months |
A.R. | 32 | Romania | 1 (4 years) | 3 years |
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Rollero, C.; Speranza, F. Intimate Partner Violence and Resilience: The Experience of Women in Mother-Child Assisted Living Centers. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health 2020, 17, 8318. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17228318
Rollero C, Speranza F. Intimate Partner Violence and Resilience: The Experience of Women in Mother-Child Assisted Living Centers. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2020; 17(22):8318. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17228318
Chicago/Turabian StyleRollero, Chiara, and Federica Speranza. 2020. "Intimate Partner Violence and Resilience: The Experience of Women in Mother-Child Assisted Living Centers" International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 17, no. 22: 8318. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17228318