Lonely, but Not Alone: Qualitative Study among Immigrant and Native-Born Adolescents
Abstract
:1. Introduction
Loneliness in Adolescence
2. Materials and Methods
2.1. Recruitment, Data Collection, and Participants
2.2. Interview Guide and Interview Situation
2.3. Data Analysis
2.4. Ethical Issues
3. Results
3.1. First Main Theme: The Characteristics of Loneliness
3.1.1. Loneliness as an Adverse Feeling, Varying in Intensity and Duration
- Hmm. Emptiness (…) It is not like being alone; that you wish there was someone sitting next to you physically. It’s not a physical sensation, in a way. It is something you feel. (…) It is a negative feeling. For the most part, there is a difference between a negative and a positive feeling. You can feel it. And sometimes you can also be in doubt, but with the sense of loneliness you’re not in doubt.
- I’d say mostly bad because with the experiences I have been through, to sit there alone and things like that. But sometimes, that loneliness may also be quite good because it may make you realize some things, realize that okay, nothing will come out of just sitting here.
3.1.2. The Distinction between Loneliness and Being Alone
- If I sit at home and I’m alone, then I will not feel lonely in that sense, because it is often something I have chosen and then it is because you’d like to just be yourself and just… either just sit and do nothing or sit and think some things through or homework and things like that.
- J:
- You can definitely be alone without feeling lonely, e.g., if I have a very busy week and spend time with a lot of people, then I also need to be alone once in a while.
- I:
- Yes, and then being alone becomes a positive thing?
- J:
- Yes.
- I:
- When is being alone a bad thing?
- J:
- Hmmm, when… when you know that others do something that you’re not a part of.
- Because I can of course join a big group (and feel lonely), where you’re not really part of the conversation, or where you don’t feel like you’re part of the conversation, although the others, on the outside, see that you’re part of it, right.
3.1.3. Loneliness as an Invisible Social Stigma
- L:
- If I felt lonely, I don’t think I would have told my friends.
- I:
- No, why do you think that is?
- L:
- I actually don’t know. But I don’t think I would have said it. Maybe I would have put it in another way; “I don’t think you call me or write to me as you usually do” and something like that.
- I:
- Why do you think loneliness is not something you talk about?
- L:
- That’s a good question. I think it’s embarrassing.
- Uh, from class I would not think that any of the others are lonely. Everyone has like possibilities to hang out with someone. So do I. So it’s just whether you’re compatible with them on a like… psychological level. Whether you have the same way of thinking. Whether you have the same hobbies, the same things you like to do. Most in my class do, so I wouldn’t imagine anyone to be (lonely)… I think it’s because it (loneliness) is kept under wraps. I also don’t think that others would guess that I feel lonely. (Mathias, DK, school 1)
- I just think people are trying to be a little more… in relation to the things people talk about, trying to be as little as possible something that is bad. Because you’re a little scared that otherwise they wouldn’t want to hang out with you or be friends with you. (Julia, D, school 1).
- I also think that because you’re a stranger, right, well I don’t know you at all, so I can just sit and say all sorts of things (…) I can say all the right things to you because no one will know, and you don’t know anyone to tell either.
- I think it would help you in many ways to see that you’re not the only one! At least when I have it (feel lonely). Then, I often feel like the only one in class who feels that way. Or the only one at that time, who feels that way. Or like… you feel very alone with it (…). It’s always good to know that if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, or something you’re upset about, to know that you’re not the only one!
3.2. Second Main Theme: The Perceived Causes of Loneliness
3.2.1. Lack of Feeling Close and Connected
- I like going to school. But I’m in some way—how do you say—lonely in the class. You see, I have friends in class, but they are not close friends. Not someone I bond with in class. Someone you’d jell with. Many of the girls have someone like that. Best friends or whatever it is that they have. I’ve never had that… It’s probably something to do with not having someone to go home with every day. There is not someone calling you regularly: “Do you want to go play football?” I’m not like the first person coming to mind if someone’s thinking, I’m bored, why don’t I hang out with someone. Or just the fact that no one reserves a seat for you in the bus if you’re going somewhere. Lonely in that way. Like someone is missing… someone who’s thinking about you. That’s what is missing. (Mathias, DK, school 1)
3.2.2. The Feeling of Not Being Accepted
- I can also feel lonely because I have this interest in Kpop (pop music from Asia), where I think it’s hilarious and my friends are saying “what is this insane country you like watching?” And I’m thinking. Ah, like a punch in the face, right! (…) And then you can feel lonely when you don’t have any backup who accepts you for who you are.
- Before, I was in a class with only Danes. Everyone had blue eyes and was fair. And there was no one like Claudia (classmate who is half Austrian), no one that was half something else too, which there are so many of here (in her new class). But they were all entirely Danish, and I believe they think it was strange that I was from another country, and I was sometimes also teased with it, and they would never do that here… And then I came to this school, and I was a completely different person, and I felt accepted.
3.2.3. Feeling Alone with Problems
- And then when you’re alone, then… you’re like completely empty inside and then those problems emerge and things like that, right. Then you feel very lonely because you can’t tell anyone.
- I don’t think my sister takes a lot of responsibility (in relation to problems in his family). When they (his parents) fight and all that… maybe she will interrupt. But she will not do anything special to stop it. She just wants to sit and shout at them and things like that… you see… then I feel like I’m alone with this… And I guess that means that you have a lot to go through on your own.
- I do feel lonely sometimes… well because if you’re like lonely sometimes, it can also be good, because you think about things, and then afterward I go to my parents and talk to them about problems in school. We just talk and then… then I feel better.
3.2.4. Lack of Feeling Understood
- Hmm, yes, it can also be your background; I’m not Danish—or that I come from Poland or that I’m not Muslim or that I’m a Jehovah’s witness—it can also be that kind of thing. That I explain that I’m not joining Christmas things or that I don’t celebrate birthdays and things like that. And they just tell me how much fun it is. And then they keep saying, just come to the party, nothing will happen. But I don’t feel like they understand me.
- Maybe I should improve my Danish. Then, I can also give them (classmates) more arguments for why I don’t go to birthdays and things like that…
- A:
- It’s just that I can’t talk to anyone about my problems. About what’s happening to me… about things that have changed.
- I:
- Yes, what makes you think you can’t talk to anyone about it?
- A:
- They won’t really understand me. They’re like… they haven’t been through the problems I have, so they take it in another way. They see it in another way, so…
- I:
- Yes, so it (loneliness) is also about feeling understood?
- A:
- Yes
- I:
- Are you thinking about your family or more about those from school when you think about them?
- A:
- Well, both. Both those from school and my family.
3.2.5. Feeling Neglected
- It began with a lot of stuff in my family, because we, this sounds pretty lame right, but we just had a baby brother and we were building an extension and then we had very little money and everything (…) The only time there was left was for my baby brother, because he was of course so small. And then I started to feel a little lonely at home, right… Lonely at home and take care of everything yourself. My parents were always upset because they didn’t have the energy for anything, and then I also got easily upset.
- J:
- That I was forced to be somewhere I didn’t feel comfortable, and there was no one there I knew. AND that I knew that the other girls from class were together somewhere else, where I wasn’t with them.
- I:
- Yes, because your mother said you had to go to the club?
- J:
- No, I could go with them! They just didn’t want me to go! They went in a group, and other girls from class couldn’t come, and they were like a group of five or so, and the rest couldn’t join.
- C:
- I also don’t think it would help me if someone came over and said: but why are you sitting there all alone. Because it may seem a little like, yeah, well done pointing out the most obvious! But perhaps coming over to ask, why don’t you join us? (…) In a way that you would feel somewhat included. Instead of me having to be the one to make sure I’m included. Because then you feel like you’re just a third wheel, imposing yourself on all the others.
- I:
- So, it’s important that you’re invited to join the group instead of having to…
- C:
- Yes, of course you have to do something yourself sometimes. Of course, you do, but if it’s you having to do it every time, then it becomes really difficult.
4. Discussion
4.1. Methodological Reflections and Future Implications
4.2. Directions for Future Research
4.3. Implications for Practice
5. Conclusions
Author Contributions
Funding
Institutional Review Board Statement
Informed Consent Statement
Data Availability Statement
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Name 1 | School | Age at Interview | Gender | Current or Former Experience with Loneliness | Country of Birth of Interviewee and Their Parents 2 |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Klara | 1 | 14 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Mathias | 1 | 15 | Boy | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Julia | 1 | 14 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark, mother born in Denmark and father born in Italy (D) |
Nikolaj | 2 | 14 | Boy | Yes | Born in Denmark, mother born in Montenegro and father born in Bosnia (D) |
Alexandra | 2 | 14 | Girl | No | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Marie | 3 | 15 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Christian | 3 | 15 | Boy | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Flora | 3 | 15 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Sofia | 4 | 14 | Girl | Yes | Born in Poland to parents born in Poland (I) |
Abdul | 4 | 15 | Boy | Yes | Born in Turkey to parents born in Turkey (I) |
Adila | 4 | 15 | Girl | Yes | Born in Iraq to parents born in Iraq (I) |
Ramtin | 4 | 14 | Boy | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Turkey (D) |
Simon | 4 | 14 | Boy | No | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
Laura | 5 | 14 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Eritrea (D) |
Christina | 5 | 14 | Girl | Yes | Born in Denmark to parents born in Denmark (DK) |
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Rich Madsen, K.; Tjørnhøj-Thomsen, T.; Jervelund, S.S.; Qualter, P.; Holstein, B.E. Lonely, but Not Alone: Qualitative Study among Immigrant and Native-Born Adolescents. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health 2021, 18, 11425. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph182111425
Rich Madsen K, Tjørnhøj-Thomsen T, Jervelund SS, Qualter P, Holstein BE. Lonely, but Not Alone: Qualitative Study among Immigrant and Native-Born Adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2021; 18(21):11425. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph182111425
Chicago/Turabian StyleRich Madsen, Katrine, Tine Tjørnhøj-Thomsen, Signe Smith Jervelund, Pamela Qualter, and Bjørn E. Holstein. 2021. "Lonely, but Not Alone: Qualitative Study among Immigrant and Native-Born Adolescents" International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 18, no. 21: 11425. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph182111425
APA StyleRich Madsen, K., Tjørnhøj-Thomsen, T., Jervelund, S. S., Qualter, P., & Holstein, B. E. (2021). Lonely, but Not Alone: Qualitative Study among Immigrant and Native-Born Adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(21), 11425. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph182111425