Being Trapped in an Abusive Relationship: A Phenomenological Study of Women’s Experiences of Violence in Intimate Relationships

Abstract

Despite South Africa having interventions to address intimate partner violence (IPV) and offer women places of safety, they stay for long periods in IPV relationships. However, research on this topic is limited. Therefore, we examined the reasons why women stay for long periods of time in IPV relationships in a sample of women who were living in shelters for abused women in Gauteng Province, South Africa, and explored their experiences during the stay in IPV relationships. We used a descriptive phenomenological research approach and recruited and conducted in-depth interviews with 11 women who had left IPV relationships. The data were analysed using Giorgi’s phenomenological analysis method. Although women experienced a myriad of violent acts, physical violence was the most prevalent form of violence. Leaving the IPV relationship was not easy, as it involved an array of decision-making marked by a continuum of events. Various concerns kept most women trapped. They struggled with guilt and fear, emotional investment, love for the partner, fear of provoking more anger, and the hope that the partner will change. Hoping that the partner would change, having nowhere to go, and financial dependency were compounding factors that led to the feeling of being trapped in the relationship. However, having nowhere to go was the foremost factor that delayed women from leaving. Interventions to mitigate IPV should focus on understanding why women remain in abusive relationships for a long time to inform the design and development of effective interventions.

1. Introduction

Violence against women (VAW) is a significant public health problem as well as a fundamental violation of women’s human rights. It is a global pandemic that affects one in three women in their lifetime (WHO 2013). VAW knows no borders; it is a universal reality existing in all societies regardless of income, class, and culture. VAW covers a range of terms, including intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic violence, domestic abuse, spousal abuse, wife battering, family violence, and dating abuse (Walsh et al. 2015). Those who approach violence from a human rights or gender perspective tend to use the terms violence against women and girls (VAWG) or gender-based violence (GBV) to refer to this full universe of abuses (Heise 2011). Women who are particularly vulnerable to violence are those who are from poor-resourced communities and women who are discriminated against based on race, language, ethnic group, culture, age, opinion, and religion (Fahmy et al. 2016). A recent scoping review of studies conducted in countries in sub-Saharan Africa (SSA) reported on the contextual sociocultural factors that increase women’s vulnerability to IPV (Maguele et al. 2020). In addition, women who are displaced, migrants, refugees, or those living under foreign occupation are also vulnerable to violence (UNICEF 2019).

The most common form of violence against women is IPV, and women and girls constitute the vast majority of persons affected by IPV, with the majority of perpetrators being male (Kaur and Garg 2008; Mills-Fairweather et al. 2014). IPV is defined as acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviours within an intimate relationship that cause physical, sexual, or psychological harm (WHO 2010). The gender imbalance in domestic violence is partly related to differences in physical strength and size, unequal power dynamics, cultural and social factors, and weak legal sanctions against domestic violence, preventing women from equipping themselves should the partner be violent (Gibbs et al. 2020; Kaur and Garg 2008; Semahegn et al. 2019).

Globally, the percentage of women aged 15 to 49 years old who have experienced IPV in their lifetime ranges from 15 to 71% (WHO 2013), despite the actions that have been taken to prevent it in most countries (Maguele et al. 2020). Almost one-third (30%) of all women who have been in a relationship have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner (WHO 2013).

According to researchers, in the African continent, IPV among women aged 15 to 49 years ranges from 23 to 61% (Benebo et al. 2018; Mannell and Jackson 2014; McCleary-Sills et al. 2016; Shamu et al. 2018; Zungu et al. 2010). A scoping review (Maguele et al. 2020) reported a much higher prevalence of IPV, ranging from 28.8% to 67%. The prevalence of IPV differs greatly between countries, within countries, and across settings such as regions and neighbourhoods (Heise and Kotsadam 2015). Findings from a scoping review suggest that cultural differences between settings may explain the differences in prevalence, the occurrence of IPV, the types of IPV, and responses to IPV (Maguele et al. 2020). A systematic review found that prevailing social norms and beliefs often justify IPV, which in turn results in its normalization and perpetuation (Gunarathne et al. 2023). Pooled data from the Demographic and Health Survey in 18 countries in SSA reported a high IPV prevalence of 37% (Ahinkorah et al. 2018). A National South African Stress and Health Study found a prevalence of 31% of reported VAW (Gass et al. 2010). About 38% of women in South Africa have experienced IPV in Gauteng Province. Over 18% of them have experienced sexual IPV (Mills-Fairweather et al. 2014).

IPV can vary in frequency and severity, often ranging from one episode that might or might not have a lasting impact to chronic and severe episodes over the years (CDC 2018). There is substantive evidence that violence in IPV is persistent and progressive, and its effects are cumulative (Rakovec-Felser 2014; Scheffer Lindgren and Renck 2008; Stark 2007). According to the World Health Organization (WHO), long-term subjection to IPV affects women’s physical and mental health through direct pathways, such as injury. IPV can lead to injuries, with 42% of women who experience IPV reporting an injury as a consequence of this violence. Indirect pathways are chronic health problems that arise from prolonged stress (WHO 2012), such as higher risks of non-hypertensive disorders and cardiovascular disease (WHO 2013).

The direct effects of IPV are fatal and non-fatal physical injuries and long-term risks of non-communicable diseases (Dillon et al. 2013; WHO 2013), whereas psychological violence is a key predictor of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among survivors of IPV (Lagdon et al. 2014). In addition, women suffer reproductive and gynaecological problems such as unintended pregnancy, adverse pregnancy outcomes, and the risk of women contracting HIV (Hill et al. 2016; Jewkes 2010; WHO 2013; Zembe et al. 2015). The consequences of IPV tend to be more severe when women experience more than one type of violence and/or multiple incidents over time (WHO 2012). IPV has adverse effects on women, children, families, and society. It has been associated with higher rates of infant mortality and morbidity through diarrhoea, malnutrition, and lower immunization rates (WHO 2021). A systematic review also identified depression, anxiety, and severe physical injuries as common consequences of IPV (Gunarathne et al. 2023).

Although researchers have found that women often stay for long periods in IPV relationships for various reasons despite frequent violent episodes (Meyer et al. 2020; Shorey et al. 2023), research on women’s decision to stay in IPV relationships is limited, especially from SSA (Azeez et al. 2023). Research in the African continent has reported on personal, cultural, societal, and healthcare-setting barriers that influence the decision to stay in IPV relationships (McCleary-Sills et al. 2016; Shorey et al. 2023). The reasons women stay in IPV relationships for long periods in many settings in SSA and South Africa are not adequately researched (WHO 2012). This is despite South Africa having interventions to address IPV and offer women places of safety. Understanding the reasons why women remain in abusive relationships for long periods is essential for the development of effective interventions such as counselling, women’s empowerment programs, and legal aid. Furthermore, highlighting the challenges that women experience during their journey to move on from long-term IPV will equip policymakers to establish safe environments. Therefore, this qualitative study aimed to answer two research questions: what are the reasons women stay for long periods in IPV relationships in a sample of women who had left the IPV relationship and were living in shelters in Gauteng, South Africa, and what are the experiences of women during their stay in IPV relationships?

2. Materials and Methods

2.1. Study Design

This study adopted a qualitative design with a descriptive phenomenological approach to enable an in-depth exploration of women’s lived experience of deciding to stay in IPV relationships. In phenomenology, the researcher identifies the substance of human experiences about a phenomenon as described by the people involved (Dowling and Cooney 2012; Moustakas 1994).

2.2. Study Setting

The study setting was four shelters for abused women located in two municipalities in Gauteng Province, South Africa. A shelter is a residential facility providing short-term interventions for women and children in crisis and providing safe spaces when women and children are extremely vulnerable. In South Africa, shelter services are provided by community-based non-governmental organisations. The NGOs are funded by the Department of Social Development (DSD) under the Victim Empowerment Programme (VEP). During their stay in shelters, women are provided with basic needs, support, counselling, and skills development. The shelters have full-time services of social workers.

Admission at shelters includes self-referral, referrals by community members, referrals by healthcare professionals, and by the South African Police Services (SAPS). The maximum period of stay in the shelter ranges from 3 to 12 months, however, the stay in the shelter can be extended if the woman does not have safe accommodation at the end of 12 months. Shelters charge a minimal service fee if a woman is employed.

2.3. Sampling

The study participants were selected using purposive sampling, a technique used in qualitative research to select individuals who have experienced the phenomenon of interest. Cresswell and colleagues posit that the number of participants in purposive sampling is relatively small to allow the researcher to follow participants intensely (Creswell et al. 2006). (Creswell and Creswell 2017). Similarly, in phenomenology, investigators are not primarily interested in knowing how many have had a particular experience; instead, a small number of participants are studied through extensive and prolonged engagement (Giorgi 2009).

Recruitment at the shelters commenced after this study received ethical clearance, and permission to access the shelters was granted by the Department of Social Development. In this study, women who had experienced IPV were selected from the shelters with the assistance of social workers and house mothers working in the shelters. To maintain confidentiality and protect the safety and privacy of potential participants, the actual recruitment was performed by the in-house social workers. Only women who were willing to participate in the study and gave verbal consent were referred for the interviews. The eligibility criteria were women 18 years and older who had been in an IPV relationship, had left the abusive partner, and were staying at the shelter. Maximum variation sampling was employed to ensure that the sample reflected a diverse group of participants. The length of stay in IPV relationships reflected participants who were in a long-term IPV relationship and those who stayed for short periods in the relationship. The length of stay in the shelter was not used as an inclusion or exclusion criterion.

2.4. Data Collection

Consistent with a phenomenological inquiry, the interviewer, also referred to as the lead author (AM), asked three broad questions about the context or situations that influenced women’s stay in IPV relationships. This is in the tradition of phenomenological inquiry. (1) What was it like living with your abusive partner before you moved to the shelter? (2) What are some of the reasons that made it difficult for you to leave your abusive partner when the violence occurred? (3) What are your experiences of talking about the violence you experienced to family, friends, and police officers? Follow-up questions were also asked to gather data to come to a deeper understanding of the women’s experiences of violence during their stay in IPV relationships. Follow-up questions provide an understanding of the common experiences of the participants (Moustakas 1994). These questions assisted the interviewer in developing a conversation on the descriptions of the lived experiences of the participants to develop an understanding of the phenomenon. First, she asked an opening question to develop rapport and to put the participants at ease and made use of probes to engage intensely with the participant (Benner 1994).

The sample size in the current study was 11 participants. Each interview was audio recorded with consent from the participants and lasted for about 60–90 min, in line with intense phenomenological interviews (Moustakas 1994).

An interview schedule was developed in English and translated into IsiZulu and Sepedi guided the interviews. The two languages used in the interviews allowed the participants to speak freely about their IPV experience using their own words. Only a few participants preferred that the interview be conducted in English. All interviews were conducted by AM in a private room that the shelter management had set aside for the interviews. The private and quiet room created an environment that was conducive to free expression but also ensured privacy. All participants provided written informed consent forms before the interview.

A short biographical tool captured the age, educational attainment, employment status, marital status, length of stay in the IPV relationship, race, number of children, source of income, place of residence, and partners’ biographical data.

2.5. Data Analysis

The verbatim transcription of all the audio recordings was made by a trained and experienced transcriber and translated into English by the lead author (AM), who also led all the interviews and prepared the transcripts for analysis. The transcribed and translated transcripts were analysed using Giorgi’s phenomenological analysis method (Giorgi 1986).

Step 1. Getting to know the data: to familiarize themselves with the data, all the authors read the transcripts several times to make sense of the data. Step 2. Involved in identifying meaning units. They identified all statements in the accounts that were of direct relevance and significance to IPV to identify themes that describe the lived experiences of women in IPV relationships. Step 3. Meanings were regrouped into clusters of themes that were common across participants’ experiences. Step 4. Transformation of meaning units into descriptive expressions. Step 5. Synthesis and integration. The authors then searched for statements of meaning units. Meanings from significant statements were formulated and categorized into clusters of themes. NVivo 12, a qualitative data analysis package, was utilized for the analysis. Finally, these themes were integrated into exhaustive descriptions of the phenomena.

Trustworthiness was ensured through the principles of credibility, confirmability, dependability, and transferability. Several strategies, including using a good audio recorder, conducting peer-debriefing sessions, prolonged engagement with data during data collection and analysis, and keeping an audit trail, were used to enhance the credibility of this study’s findings (Anney 2014). The verbatim transcription of the audiotapes enhanced the dependability of the data, and dense descriptions of the research process and methodologies enhanced transferability. All the authors were involved in the analysis and interpretation of data to reduce investigator bias (Shenton 2004).

The lead author has extensive experience working with women who experienced IPV. She consciously bracketed all her experiences in line with the tradition of phenomenology. Bracketing is one of the fundamental underpinnings of phenomenology; it is a method to identify and set aside preconceptions that may influence the research process (Tufford and Newman 2012) to ensure the credibility of the results. In bracketing, the researcher has a deliberate and systematic effort to suspend assumptions, biases, and prior experiences to reduce the researcher’s influence during data collection, analysis, and interpretation (Dowling 2006; Finlay and Gough 2008). In addition, the lead author kept a reflective journal throughout data collection and analysis as a means of examining and reflecting upon her engagement with the data (Haynes 2012) to avoid bias by remaining true to the facts given by the interviewee.

2.6. Ethical Considerations

Ethical clearance was obtained from the Research Ethics Committee of Sefako Makgatho Health Sciences University (SMUREC/H/309/2020: PG). Permission to conduct this study was obtained from the Department of Social Development and the managers of the selected shelters for abused women. Written informed consent was obtained from each participant before the interviews. Consent was also sought before the interviews were recorded. The consent process involved a comprehensive explanation about the confidentiality of this study, voluntary participation, and withdrawal from this study at any point without their stay in the shelter being compromised. To protect the participants’ identities, pseudonyms were used. The interview recordings and consent forms were kept in separate folders; hard copies were destroyed. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic under study and the concern that participants might be distressed due to reliving their experiences, arrangements were made with the social worker at the facility to be on standby to provide counselling should this happen.

3. Results

3.1. Participants’ Characteristics

The sample consisted of 11 women between the ages of 20 and 48 years. Except for one woman, all of them had children either from an early relationship or with the current partner. Seven reported their relationship status as single, and the duration of the relationship ranged from six months to 15 years. The stay in shelters ranged from 3 weeks to 6 months (

Table 1. Details of the study sample.

Pseudonym	Age	Marital Status	Duration of the Relationship	Period of Stay in the Shelter	Number of Children
Maria	39	Single	2 years	6 months	1
Tshidi	48	Married	15 years	5 months	3
Keamogetse	38	Single	4 to 5 years	6 months	3
Boitumelo	44	Married	14 years	3 weeks	1
Dikeledi	27	Married	8 years	6 months	1
Puleng	20	Single	3 years	1 month	1
Mapule	24	Single	6 months	1 week	1
Lebogang	30	Single	2 years	2 months	1
Tebogo	20	Single	5 years	3 weeks	1
Dipuo	25	Single	4 years	2 months	4
Masello	20	Single	4 years	4 months	0

). Four reported to have completed secondary education, five had a post-secondary qualification, and two did not complete secondary education. Seven reported their employment status as unemployed, and their source of income was either child support grants or financial support from their partners, if employed (

Table 2. Profile of women during their stay in IPV relationships.

Pseudonym	Level of Education	Employment Status	Source of Income During the Stay in the IPV Relationship
Maria	Secondary education	Employed	Salary
Tshidi	11th grade	Unemployed	Partner support/child support grant
Keamogetse	Secondary education	Unemployed	Child support grant
Boitumelo	Post-secondary education	Self-employed	Salary
Dikeledi	Post-secondary education	Self-employed	Salary
Puleng	9th grade	Unemployed	Partner support
Mapule	Secondary education	Unemployed	Partner support/child support grant
Lebogang	Post-secondary education	Unemployed	Partner support/child support grant
Tebogo	Secondary education	Unemployed	Child support grant
Dipuo	Post-secondary education	Employed	Salary
Masello	Post-secondary education	Employed	Salary

).

3.2. Themes

During our analysis, four main themes were generated; these comprised the forms of violence experienced, the complexity of telling others about IPV, the influence of others not to leave, and feeling trapped in the IPV relationship. The complexity of telling others about IPV and the influence of others not to leave highlight the sociocultural dynamics that lead to delayed leaving or escaping IPV. Our analysis indicates that the complexity of telling others exacerbated the influence of others. The second theme highlights the difficulty women experience in engaging in conversations about IPV or their plans to leave. Three sub-themes, societal norms and beliefs, religious beliefs, and guilt and fear of separating children from their fathers, were generated from the influence of others to stay in IPV relationships. The subthemes explain the reason for the long-term stay in IPV relationships observed in the current study. The final theme of feeling trapped in the IPV relationship, with five sub-themes, gives context to the feeling of being trapped. Love and hope to change, fear of leaving the partner, nowhere else to go, relationship investment, and financial dependency all trap women in IPV relationships (

Table 3. Summary of themes and subthemes.

Themes	Subthemes
Types of violence experienced	Physical violence
	Sexual violence
	Psychological abuse
	Controlling behaviour
	Financial abuse
Complexity of telling others about IPV
Influence of others not to leave	Societal norms and beliefs
	Religious beliefs
	Guilt and fear of separating children from their fathers
Feeling trapped in the IPV relationship	Love and hope to change
	Fear of leaving the partner
	Nowhere else to go
	Relationship investment
	Financial dependency

).

3.3. Types of Violence Experienced

Physical violence, sexual violence, emotional abuse, financial abuse, and controlling behaviour formed a major part of the women’s experiences in this study. Acts of violence started gradually and escalated, and most women experienced more than one type of abuse concurrently.

3.3.1. Physical Violence

Physical abuse included slapping, kicking, and pulling hair, and advanced to severe beating, including strangling. Often, the physical assault was preceded or accompanied by shouting.

He started with the shout and push, and screaming at me, and it escalated when he started pulling my hair and slapping my face, and it got more serious when he put me on the ground and kicked me; he would beat me like a dog in my face.

(Maria)

My partner used to beat me; he would strangle me, put his knee on my chest, and choke me.

(Lebogang)

3.3.2. Sexual Violence

Women reported that their partners had sex with them without intimacy. They reported being forced to have sex using either physical force or other forms of coercion. Sexual violence was also used to determine if the woman had slept with another man when the husband was at work.

When he has sex with me, he acts like I’m not the person he’s making love to; he has sex with me in an abusive and molesting way. He would force himself on me, saying he wanted to determine if I had slept with anyone when he was away. He would then beat me afterward.

(Puleng)

He insisted on having sex with me every day, even when I was tired or sick. The day I prepared myself, he was not going to do it until he fought me, and I would cry. This is when he becomes aroused when I feel hurt. My pain was arousing him.

(Keamogetse)

He would grab me by force, rip my pants, throw me on the bed, force me to have sex with him, and do everything he wanted to me right there on the bed.

(Lebogang)

3.3.3. Psychological Violence

Psychological violence, including using hurtful words, humiliating, and ridiculing, was reported by many women in this study. Hurtful words and information that were shared by women in confidence were used to hurt them during the violence.

He did everything in the house, but he started reminding me that I should worship the ground that he was walking on because he was taking care of me. He said I am nothing. He was doing everything that I wanted, but he started reminding me, he called me a gold digger.

(Dikeledi)

He would say things that I wasn’t ready to tell other people, but I told him. He would write on social media to release statements about me because of things in my past that I shared with him when he was telling me about himself. So, he would always use those things against me.

(Dipuo)

He always used my bipolar status because he was with me when I was diagnosed, so he made sure that I always took my tablets. He would remind me that I have bipolar, that it’s my fault, and that we are this mess because of my illness.

(Maria)

3.3.4. Controlling Behaviour

One common theme that emerged across the interviews was the nature and extent of controlling behaviour that women in this study experienced by their partners. Women reported that their partners prevented their free movement and access to friends and relatives, monitored their communication, and isolated them from their sources of support.

He controlled my movements; he started policing my appearance and how I dressed.

(Masello)

He would also choose clothes for me and the colours I should wear. If I go shopping, I will go near his workplace, and he will ask for an hour to accompany me to buy clothes. He would choose for me what to buy. I wasn’t allowed to go to the salon alone; I would go with him, and he would choose the hairstyle for me, even the hair colour.

(Keamogetse)

He first made sure that he isolated me from his family; he did the same thing, even on the side of my family, cause the moment he started to get to know my people, my associates, he stopped me from going out for those coffees with them and with the ladies at night.

(Dipuo)

3.3.5. Financial Abuse

Financial violence includes the refusal of women to work and demanding money from women to use it for themselves.

He didn’t want me to work; even if I went to the store, he would follow me. I once bought cleaning soap with the plan to sell it. He refused to let me sell it. He said I must stay put, and he will give me the money.

(Lebogang)

We used to get the money from tenants, and we would use it to buy food. Sometimes, I would ask for food and some money from neighbours, which he would forcefully take to buy drugs. He used the money to buy drugs for himself and his friends.

(Puleng)

Women further reported that their partners were interfering with their workplace and prevented them from working or from maintaining employment. One woman said:

My husband did not want me to work. At some point, he came to my workplace. He questioned the salary that they were paying me and told them that he could afford to take care of me. The manager told me to stay at home and deal with my issues, and they would call me. The second time, he came to the workplace again, and I was dismissed at the same time.

(Dikeledi)

3.4. The Complexity of Telling Others About IPV

Commonly, women in IPV find it difficult to engage in conversations about the violence they experience, as well as their plans to leave their abusive partners. This, therefore, denies them the opportunity to obtain support from significant others. In the current study, some of the women reported that it was difficult to talk about their violent relationship, and others reported that their plans to leave the IPV relationship were kept a secret.

I only told my mom at the time we were going to the shelter. It was difficult to tell her about the violence.

(Keamogetse)

I didn’t tell anyone about the abuse, even my mother. I only told her that I was leaving my partner and was going somewhere because I knew she would say I must not go, so I didn’t want anyone to stop me.

(Tshidi)

I am a shy person, and I like keeping things to myself. I was also scared of what people would say. I would go home and never tell my mom about the abuse.

(Dikeledi)

Other things that make telling complex are the experiences of being judged, the discouragement women in IPV obtain from significant others about the abuse, the application of protection orders, and open cases against partners.

I felt like my standing up destroyed me more because after I stood up and reported to organizations, that’s when I got more destroyed, judged, and criticized instead of getting help. After I realized that whenever I report, I don’t get help, then I was like, you know what, maybe this is my journey to deal with.

(Dipuo)

This study found that reporting IPV to law enforcement agencies was also complicated, particularly when women were reporting the incident more than once. They were ridiculed and not taken seriously.

I lost interest when it came to the police. They came twice to the house, and he was not apprehended. He became worse because he knew that he had a backup plan. Either he gave them money, or he told them that I was mentally not well, and they believed him. He pretended to be innocent.

(Dikeledi)

It is not like I only started reporting last year when it started; I would always report, but the mistake that the law is making is they always compare people, and they compare stories. They normalize every case, whereas cases are different because I wanted to protect myself.

(Dipuo)

I reported the abuse to the police, and they told me that there was nothing that they could assist me with because I didn’t have an identity document or passport. They refused to help me and took me back to the house.

(Lebohang)

To this end, women in this study resolved to have conversations with themselves, planning, contemplating, and encouraging themselves.

I meditated for a while and realised that this relationship was not good for me. Love shouldn’t hurt. Why should your partner claim to love you when they are hurting you? I decided that I needed to stand up for myself.

(Masello)

3.5. Influence of Others to Stay in IPV Relationships

Women in this study explained that it was not easy to leave a violent relationship due to various reasons. The interviews established that most of them had been in an IPV relationship for a long time; for example, one woman stayed in the IPV relationship for 15 years. There were cultural, religious, family, and children-related influences, as well as other social contexts that were evident in their narratives as influencing the decisions to stay in an IPV relationship.

3.5.1. Societal Norms and Beliefs

Women who are trapped in abusive relationships often feel tied to their abusers due to societal norms and pressure from family members. The narratives of women in this study highlighted their feelings of powerlessness experienced due to the norms that were used. Women felt tied to their violent partners due to societal norms and advice from their families.

Sometimes, they were very different. Instead of protecting me from their son, they would have meetings where they would tell me that I needed to be patient if I wanted this marriage to work. They said that I’m a woman, so I must tolerate all those things.

I told my mother, and she said I should not be a coward, I should be strong … that a woman holds a knife by the edge. I asked her not to call my husband and tell him that I was home, but around midnight, my husband came to fetch us because my mom called him, telling him that we were home, and he had to come fetch us. She would see bruises, swollen hands, and swollen eyes, but still…, That was the last time I told anyone about my problems.

(Dikeledi)

I was also thinking that I left so many relationships. We have always been told that a woman’s grave is at her in-laws.

(Keamogetse)

3.5.2. Religious Beliefs

The data in this study showed that religion was at times used to justify abuse and that may affect the women who experienced IPV. Family members used religion to discourage women from leaving violent relationships. Other women in this study reported that religious observance made it difficult for them to leave violent relationships. Religious beliefs were sometimes the reason why women stayed in relationships; these beliefs were often used to discourage them from leaving violent relationships.

Maybe I could have left a long time ago, but because of this religion, people say you are not allowed to divorce. The Bible does not allow that, but I saw that I am the one who is suffering.

(Tshidi)

As an Anglican, divorce is taboo, it is an abomination, it is not allowed. So, I thought about it, but I said, God will forgive me, He will not judge me, He saw me and saw the kind of situation that I was in and the consequences of taking vows with this guy, this guy broke his promise and I did not have peace and happiness, things that God says we should ask Him for and He shall give us.

(Dikeledi)

Guilt and fear of separating children from their father

Women in this study stayed longer in violent relationships because of a fear of distancing their children from their fathers. The women thought that separating fathers and their children would hurt the children even further.

What will happen when my child grows up and wants to know who her father is?

(Puleng)

I looked at my son and my husband’s relationship. Yes, my husband loves his son very much. I said to myself, I am taking this child away from the only man that he knows, what is going to happen to him, what is his life going to be like.

(Dikeledi)

3.6. Feeling Trapped in the IPV Relationship

Data revealed that women who were entirely dependent on their violent partners for survival felt powerless to leave because they could not figure out how to start on their own. For women who have invested time and effort to develop their relationship, cutting ties with their violent partner is a difficult decision to make. For some women, not telling family about the violence and lack of a place to stay were some of the reasons why they stayed trapped in violent relationships. Financial dependence on partners also traps women in violent relationships. Although women in this study had already left the IVP relationship, they recalled the hardship they had to let go of their partner and relationship.

I had to find it in my heart that I had to let go of him, but it took time. I had to let go of the yearning to have a family with him because that killed me.

(Dipuo)

In my mind, in my heart, I knew I had to go. I was not sure how to forget about him. It had a lot to do with my confidence. I have been rejected many times; so for once, I thought that let me decide that it is enough.

(Keamogetse)

3.6.1. Love and Hope to Change

Other women in this study stated that their reasons for staying with their partners were that they loved them. Although they suffered violent acts from their partners, they did not take away the hope that their partners would change.

Even though he did me so badly, I would always go back to him and hope that it was going to be fine, and when I got back, things were worse; when you love a person, it’s hard to just pack up and leave. I focused more on building him, I focused more on supporting him, and I think I felt like that’s how the relationship is going to work, and maybe he will stop doing the things he was doing.

(Dipuo)

I still loved him and hoped that he would change; he would change.

(Dikeledi)

The findings revealed that some men apologised for their violent acts as a way of manipulating their partner into forgiving them, forgetting the abuse, or staying in the relationship. Others used an apology to shift the blame. Women in this study narrated that their partners would even cry as they begged for forgiveness.

He would apologize, it was a slap, and I got red in the face. He would cry, begging me to forgive him.

(Dikeledi)

Many times, after beating me, he would sit down with me and talk so well with me. I’m so sorry. You know, this will never happen again; it is just that I lost my mother. That’s what he used to use all the time, cause from the day I met him, he told me that he lost his mother.

(Dipuo)

He was beating me day after day. When he saw my injuries, he would come and apologise.

(Puleng)

3.6.2. Fear of Leaving the Partner

The decision to leave a violent relationship is very difficult for women to make because they have to consider their safety. Women in this study were afraid to leave when their partners were around because they were scared that their partners might be angered by their leaving and that they might be triggered to be violent. The fear of the violent partner reduced the likelihood that the woman would terminate the relationship.

I was planning on how to leave. I lied to him and said that I was going to visit my mom. I was afraid to tell him that I was leaving him because I thought that he would beat me or stab me with a knife.

(Tebogo)

I was scared that he’d find me, and when we got home, he would torture me. I kept thinking about the ideal place for safety where he would not find me, because if he did, I would experience another beating of my life. That is why I took so long. I didn’t even know that there are centres where destitute women are sheltered.

(Masello)

3.6.3. Nowhere Else to Go

For women in this study, the lack of a place to stay and the lack of ability to have their own houses were obstacles to leaving violent relationships. They stayed because they had nowhere else to go. Women without a place to return to were unable to leave the violent relationship as early as they had wished. Many of the women felt that they had no choice but to stay, due to their having almost no support network and therefore nowhere to go. For those who had nowhere to go and who attempted to leave, they soon returned to their abusive partners. Others stayed because they did not have parents to go back to.

He threw me out of the house at 00:30 am with my bags simply because of another woman. I returned to him and begged him because I had no other place to go.

(Keamogetse)

I was worried about the place to stay, where I would go with my child, and what would happen. When the police took me and dropped me at the mall, I stayed there the whole day with my child, but I came back to ask him to sleep, again the following day I said. I have done this before, what will happen, where will I stay, where will I go when I leave here.

(Mapule)

What I would normally think about is whether I should go back home (Zimbabwe) or not. I am asking myself if they will accept me back at home because I didn’t leave home well; there were tensions between my grandfather and me. We were not on good terms.

(Lebogang)

3.6.4. Relationship Investment

This study revealed that other women stayed in violent relationships because of the time they had invested in the relationship.

There was a point where I felt like giving up and just staying in the relationship. I was thinking of the 5 years that I stayed with this man.

(Keamogetse)

3.6.5. Financial Dependency

Women’s economic reliance on their male partners also influenced their choices about leaving the violent relationship for their children’s well-being. Many of the women in this study did not have a job and lacked the resources to leave.

My concern was about the child because I was not sure how she would grow up. Who will care for her because I am not working.

(Tebogo)

4. Discussion

The purpose of this research was to examine the reasons women stay for long periods in IPV relationships and explore their experiences during their stay in IPV relationships. Most of the women were unemployed, were single and cohabitating, and thus depended on their partners for financial support and accommodation during their stay in IPV relationships. The environment within which the women found themselves contributed to their vulnerability to IPV, whereas their partners were in relatively better positions concerning education and finance, since most had a source of income.

This study revealed that women experienced a myriad of violent acts during their stay in IPV relationships, including physical, psychological, sexual, and financial violence. For most of the women, the IPV started early in the relationship, which suggests that they endured violence for a long time. In this study, as in what has been previously reported (Breiding et al. 2014; Potter et al. 2020; Shamu et al. 2018), some of these violent acts occurred concurrently for long periods before they moved out of the IPV relationship. This study found that physical and psychological violence co-occurred mostly with other types of violence, such as sexual and financial abuse. Other researchers found similar findings (Adebowale and James 2020; Ouellet et al. 2022; Richardson et al. 2019; WHO 2012).

In an attempt to change the violent and emotional abuse, women adopted various strategies, depending on the type of violence they experienced. Some fought back, some remained passive, some kept quiet, whereas others chattered back during acts of psychological violence. In addition, the women changed how they dressed, with the hope that their partners would change. The controlling behaviour of the abusive partners extended to choosing the way women dressed. Therefore, changing how they dressed played into the expectations of the partners for women to comply. Our study findings are similar to those of other studies (Caridade et al. 2020; Sani and Pereira 2020). However, changing how they did things did not stop the violence, but affected the emotional well-being of the women. As a last resort, the women sought help and terminated the abusive relationship to stop the violence.

However, physical violence was the most prevalent form of violence experienced by women. This study established that physical violence was progressive; their narratives indicated that violence began with subtle acts such as slapping or kicking and escalated to severe beatings, non-fatal choking, and threatening with knives and other dangerous objects. Researchers in previous studies also found that IPV is progressive; an earlier study conducted with abused women reported that the violence started in the form of psychological violence and progressed to physical violence that gradually worsened (Scheffer Lindgren and Renck 2008). There is evidence that violence in IPV relationships is persistent rather than episodic and can differ in severity and frequency over years, thus, its effects are cumulative over a long time rather than incident-specific (CDC 2018; Sabri et al. 2014; Stark 2007; Zara and Gino 2018). The current study corroborates these findings; we found that violent acts were commonly planned with an established pattern or triggers and, at times, happened spontaneously, although they were influenced by the same triggers.

Women often suffered physical injuries that warranted medical consultation. However, cultural and social norms that support domestic violence prevented them from seeking help, and they opted to use home remedies and self-medication to avoid disclosing the IPV to healthcare providers. Those who sought medical care were always accompanied by their abusive partners to control the narrative and prevent them from disclosing the IPV. Primary healthcare settings can play a crucial role in providing a safe and discreet environment that encourages women to safely disclose IPV.

Commonly, women in IPV relationships find it difficult to engage in conversations about the violence they experience for fear of being judged. In this study, reported judgmental responses from significant others discouraged women from talking about IPV. Furthermore, women were dissuaded by their significant others from leaving their abusive partners. Thus, women resorted to talking to themselves or having conversations with themselves about what was going on and their plans to leave the IPV relationship. Having conversations with oneself was used as a coping mechanism and source of self-encouragement. The fear of being judged often denies women the opportunity to obtain support and prolongs their stay in abusive relationships (McCleary-Sills et al. 2016). Healthcare professionals, counsellors, and informal sources of social support, such as NGOs, should be trained to recognize signs of IPV and provide appropriate support and referrals.

Consistent with previous research (Barrios et al. 2020; Di Basilio et al. 2022), the role of significant others was experienced both positively and negatively by women in IPV relationships. Reporting IPV to SAPS was also complex, particularly when women were reporting the incident more than once. Although they reported the violence to the SAPS several times, most were not assisted. Instead, there were reported incidences of being ridiculed, mocked, and not taken seriously by police officers. The engagement with police officers often left women feeling destroyed. The influence of others was exacerbated by the complexity of telling others about the IPV the women endured.

The findings of this study revealed that women stayed in violent relationships for various reasons. They stated that it was not easy to leave the IPV relationship because the abusive partners alternated between violent episodes and abuse and apologetic behaviour with promises to change. The findings are consistent with previous research findings (Rakovec-Felser 2014; Scheffer Lindgren and Renck 2008). This study established that apologising after violent episodes was a way of manipulating women to stay in the relationship, shifting the blame to make the woman responsible for the violence, and manipulating the woman into forgiving them. Using apology as controlling behaviour resulted in emotional problems such as hopelessness and powerlessness that prevented women from talking about the IPV and leaving the relationship. Apologising after violent episodes creates false hope that the partners will change their behaviour (Onoh et al. 2013). The strategies used by the abusive partners contributed to women delaying leaving the IPV relationship.

Women in the current study stayed in IPV relationships due to societal norms and pressures from families who used gender stereotypes to dissuade them from leaving their abusive partners. Cultural narratives that a woman should be strong and hold the knife by its edge, cultural expectations that the woman’s grave is at her in-laws’ place, and that women should persevere, were commonly used in conversations with women when they disclose their experiences of IPV. The consequences of these cultural narratives were that women felt tied to their abusive partners and felt disempowered to leave. The findings of our study confirm results from prior systematic reviews (Meyer et al. 2020) and other studies (Arisukwu et al. 2021; Shorey et al. 2023) that cultural beliefs and societal and gender norms shape women’s decisions to stay in IPV relationships. In addition, religious beliefs that God is against divorce and that divorce is an abomination were observed by women themselves, but families also used these beliefs when women spoke to them about leaving the IPV relationship, resulting in them staying longer. Research conducted in the African region found that religious beliefs and observance delay women from leaving IPV relationships (Muthangya et al. 2022; Takyi and Lamptey 2020).

Child-related issues also complicated the stay in the IPV relationship. Women stayed because they feared that separating children from their fathers would cause them psychological and emotional harm. Our findings replicate those of other researchers (Childress et al. 2023; Jones and Vetere 2017). Women were also scared to end IPV relationships due to the uncertainty of their capability to raise the children alone. Heren and colleagues refer to this phenomenon as learned helplessness, which can make women in IPV relationships believe they have no control over their situation, which might influence the decision to stay in an IPV relationship (Heron et al. 2022b).

This study further found that the emotions and time invested in relationships, love for their partners, and hope that their partners would change made cutting ties with the abusive partner difficult. Consistent with previous studies, we found that the belief that the partners’ abusive and controlling behaviour may change delays leaving the IPV relationship (Caridade et al. 2020; Rasool 2013). Moreover, partners often begged for forgiveness after episodes of violence and promised to change. Although all the women in this study had left the IVP relationship, they recalled the difficulties they endured to let go of their partners. Researchers found that the commitment process to the partner and relationship can be difficult to overcome once a woman decides to leave (Estrellado and Loh 2019; Heron et al. 2022b).

Consequently, staying in IPV relationships evoked feelings of entrapment. The women reported that they stayed because they loved their partners. They would leave temporarily, and after the partner begged them for forgiveness, they returned home only to find the violent acts to be worse. A systematic review also reported that women may feel trapped in IPV relationships and believe that they are not capable of escaping the abusive partner (Shorey et al. 2023). This study further found that financial dependence trapped women in IPV relationships. The findings are consistent with those of other researchers (Heron et al. 2022b; Karakurt et al. 2014). Women’s financial dependence on their abusive partners was a significant factor in their decision to leave or stay in IPV relationships. Most of them were unemployed and, thus, lacked the resources to leave and start over on their own. Abusive partners often control access to money, employment opportunities, and/or resources (Christy et al. 2020; Shorey et al. 2023).

The fear for their safety and that of their children forced women to stay in IPV relationships. They stayed because they were afraid that their partners might be angered by their leaving and that the violence would worsen if they chose to leave while the partner was present. Thus, some of them planned to leave over a long time and waited for the opportune time when their partner was absent to leave. Researchers also found that personal safety can keep women trapped in IPV relationships (Bruton and Tyson 2018).

A recurring theme experienced by most of the women in this study was having nowhere to go, which delayed women from leaving violent relationships. Moreover, at the time, the women did not know about shelters for destitute women. This could be interpreted as a lack of support structures, such as family and knowledge about places of safety. Some of them reported that they were not welcome to go back to their parents’ home. Furthermore, the abusive partner’s tactics of isolating women from their families and degrading their self-esteem made it difficult for women to go back to their families. This study’s findings are similar to those of other researchers (Estrellado and Loh 2019; Heron et al. 2022b). The phenomenon of leaving and returning to the violent relationship can be better explained by the feeling of having nowhere to go, expressed by the women in this study. Having nowhere to go further intensifies the feeling of being trapped in a violent relationship.

4.1. Study Limitations and Future Research

This study has a few limitations. This study was conducted among women in shelters. We acknowledge that the sample might be different from women in the general population. Therefore, the authors do not claim that the findings are representative of all women in IPV relationships. Secondly, the women were no longer experiencing IPV at the time of the interviews; they provided retrospective accounts of their IPV situations, which could unintentionally alter details of their past relationships and experiences, leading to recall bias. However, the data showed that they demonstrated a retrospective understanding and insightfulness as they reflected on the impact of abuse on their sense of self from a place of safety. To reduce this limitation, the researchers included women who had recently made the decision to exit their relationships and were in the shelters for a short time.

This study included a homogenous sample of women who self-identified as women in IPV situations with men. This might limit the applicability of the study findings to diverse groups, such as LGBTQIA+ individuals and men who are in IPV relationships. This study had a relatively small sample size of women recruited from shelters in one province in South Africa. The researchers acknowledge that the qualitative nature of this study limits the ability to generalize findings; however, the qualitative approach provided in-depth insights and an understanding of women’s reasons for staying with their abusive partners, thus contributing to an increasing knowledge base on the difficult decision to leave IPV relationships.

This study did not extensively collect or analyse quantitative data that could complement these findings; therefore, future research is recommended to investigate the reasons for staying in IPV relationships among South African women using qualitative and quantitative research approaches to establish if the reasons for staying apply across different settings. Furthermore, research using samples from different geographical regions is recommended to provide data about IPV as it occurs in a variety of cultural, ethnic, and religious groups.

As mentioned, the women in this study had left their abusive partners at the time of the interviews; therefore, future research should investigate factors contributing to delays in leaving IPV relationships among women who are still in IPV relationships. In the South African context, this might be challenging, given that women rarely access healthcare facilities for IPV-related injuries, and those who do access facilities rarely disclose IPV to healthcare professionals (Heron et al. 2022a; Vranda et al. 2018).

4.2. Implications for Policy and Practice

These findings highlight the need to support and empower women to make exiting IPV relationships possible. Policymakers should use insights from this study to develop interventions to mitigate IPV, focusing on strengthening the IPV legal framework, such as the enforcement of restraining orders and the provision of legal aid to provide women with tools to protect themselves, but also prepare for exiting the IPV relationship. Policymakers in South Africa must focus on policy reform and police officers’ training to improve their understanding of the women’s perspectives of IPV to be more empathetic toward victims of IPV, be equipped to handle IPV, and provide appropriate referrals to support services.

Understanding why women remain in abusive relationships for long periods is important to inform the development of effective interventions that fit individual needs. Interventions should include programs to empower women with financial literacy, raise awareness about their rights, provide community resources such as shelters and advocacy, and increase access to nonjudgmental healthcare interventions to create an environment where women feel safe and supported in deciding to leave or flee abusive relationships. Programs aimed at enhancing women’s agency and decision-making capabilities can significantly reduce their vulnerability to violence (Krishnan et al. 2012). Programs such as regular screening for IPV in healthcare settings can be integrated into existing healthcare frameworks for continuous monitoring and sustainability.

This study’s findings highlight poor access to information about access to shelters, legal assistance, or counselling services that could assist women to decide to leave their abusive partners. Therefore, policymakers should train health professionals working with women experiencing IPV to use the knowledge base on the difficult decision to leave IPV relationships to provide support at a suitable time to make relevant preparations for leaving. Support should be practical, taking into consideration the personal, community, and societal factors that are barriers to leaving IPV relationships.

5. Conclusions

Although women experienced a myriad of violent acts during their stay in IPV relationships, physical violence was the most prevalent form of violence, which resulted in women often sustaining extensive physical injuries that required medical consultation. Leaving the IPV relationship was not an easy decision to make, as it involved an array of decisions marked by a continuum of events. Women faced many challenges in finding ways to talk about the IPV relationship and their plans to leave their significant others.

Various concerns complicated the decision to leave an abusive partner and kept many women trapped in IPV relationships. They struggled with guilt and fear, emotional investment in the relationship, love for the partner, fear of provoking more anger, and the hope that the partner will change. In addition, loving the partner and hoping that he will change, having nowhere to go, and financial dependency were compounding factors that led to the feeling of being trapped in the relationship. These explain why women endured IPV for a long time before reaching a breaking point and leaving the abusive partner.