Ritualizing Abortion: A Qualitative Study on Ritual and Its Meanings in The Netherlands
Abstract
:1. Introduction
2. Methods
2.1. Population and Sampling
2.2. Data Collection and Analysis
3. Results
3.1. Creating and Sharing Symbolic Expressions
3.1.1. Privately Acknowledging through Symbolic Expression
It is now a little star in the sky, or a butterfly, or an angel on my shoulder, or something like that. That’s how I see Jonas.(R6)
My daughter says many times: ‘That is my little sister’. And then she gestures towards the chair. And that is fantasy. But she does that since a few months; suddenly she speaks about her little sister (…) ‘Does your little sister want to eat with us?’. I join her in her play thinking it is fantasy. But it keeps crossing my mind: could it work like that, is that possible?(R1)
Hope, that is what I called you.(5/2013)
I had to wait for the abortion lying down in a bed and listened to ‘Kiss from a rose’ from Seal. That was the last song we were able to listen to together. And it was so right. ‘You became the light on the dark side of me.’ After that I was called to the operation room.(10/2016)
Her name would be Jip, and dear Jip, I love you.(3/2016)
My unborn child is called Butterfly and I see her every day in my sleeping room. I have a frame with a butterfly in it. When I smoke a cigarette outdoors, I look at the sky and choose the most beautiful star. That is my Butterfly. Even if I never met you … I love you & I shall never forget you. In my heart I take you along with me until we hopefully see each other again.(1/2016)
And I don’t believe that it just stops here. I believe that there is another side, another life, how must I explain it? (…) We burn a candle to show that we did not forget. That we still think about it.(R3)
From time to time I think about it and then I address that child mentally: ‘I am sorry that I took your life, because you were there’. I’ve seen it with my own eyes huh. That is awful, yes.(R8)
I don’t regret my decision, I am still firmly convinced that it was the best thing to do for all of us. But regret is not necessary to feel pain (…) But the pain will have a place in my life, just as you. We have to move on, we can’t linger on. I need to enjoy carefree life and fulfill my dreams, for you. (…) I would have loved to meet you, dear little one. But it could not be. I love you, and I will. Take care.(1/2015)
3.1.2. Sharing One’s Personal Story with Symbolic Expressions Online
You knew you had to chooseBut actually had no choiceHad to lose a piece of yourselfSo small, is now a gaping hole(R1)
Look, if only one person thinks ‘ah, so it is not that simple’, then that is already something.(R1)
And then I started to write for myself. And at a certain moment, I thought maybe I have to publish it online, break through. I had read on the Fiom website that there are 30,000 a year (…). I felt this taboo must be broken, I have to do something about it. I want to do something because I want to help others as well and we have to be able to talk about this.(R3)
Dear ladies please ask for help on time. Nobody deserves to feel like this. You are not alone!(9/2016)
3.2. Rituals of Remembering and Honoring
I was allowed to look at the ultrasound and saw a real little wonder. We took the image home and since then I keep it in my purse. It is a part of me and that’s why I carry it with me.(4/2014)
- Can you tell me something about how you arranged that box? How was it to do that?- It was less bad than I expected. I expected that I would do it in tears and so. But actually it was peaceful and quiet. Sort of, I give you a place to be.(R6)
I really wanted to do something, and I wanted to celebrate life, because I experienced it that way. The pregnancy was also some kind of sign and confirmation of my body, that manifested to me, do not worry, you can become pregnant (…) That is why I didn’t celebrate or commemorate on the day of the abortion, but on the due date.(R9)
My mama had a white stone shaped like a star. We buried it together in the flowerbed in the garden, and the white star lays there, on top of it.(R8)
I made those photos and had them printed (…) and also that stick that shows that I am pregnant. Those kinds of things I kept, they make me think that it really existed (…) so the memory, but also to honor it, that it had really been.(R9)
I wanted to celebrate the birthday. Weird, huh? (…) On the day that I was due, I invited all my friends for dinner. And I wrote a letter to thank them for their support.(R7)
It is gone and it is hard, and I feel guilty (silence). No, I want to ponder on the positive side (…) That gives me a warm feeling and makes me feel like a mother (laughs) and then I can connect to how I want to be a mother (…) and what I like about life. Yes.(R9)
I wrote down mostly that I was really grateful for them, and how I experienced that period and that I am processing it all now. And that it will probably take some time. But also that I am so grateful for the support they’ve been back then.(R7)
That is what I experienced as the most difficult task. How can you say farewell to something you‘ve never seen?(R3)
And there I stood. Crying, watching how my letter and the test faded slowly. Only after the last burning flames I went inside again. It was weird. But I felt relief. This had been a nice farewell. After that I felt a little better every week and I was able to put up the thread of my life again. With the three of us, but nevertheless very happy.(4/2017)
And there were heaps of emotion during the ceremony. That was some kind of farewell, some kind of grief for a part of yourself or a kind of life that will not be realized.(R13)
3.3. Embodied Ritualizing
That’s what this tattoo stands for. (…) When I look at it, when life is hard, then I think, if I made it through the abortion, then I can do this as well, you know.(R6)
I got a necklace as a present. I wear it every day. (…) I got it from my mother on the 20th of august, the day that I was due. (…) I didn’t take it off for one day, since then.(R7)
- They really gave me a pregnancy massage. I lay down on my side, and they treated all the spots where you experience backpain in pregnancy. It was good too.- And how was that? To receive such a massage, the day before?- I don’t know. Maybe, our moment together. I enjoyed it too, you know.(R7)
It goes through my head a lot these last weeks. (…) Allowing myself to move on and that jewel (…) That is very symbolic. I don’t know why I keep thinking about that, but that is what I want really badly.(R10)
Something has been removed in an aggressive way. I felt that there is something that really needs healing. And that has more impact than you would think sometimes. Because I usually think: no remorse.(R13)
4. Discussion
Author Contributions
Funding
Institutional Review Board Statement
Informed Consent Statement
Data Availability Standards
Conflicts of Interest
1 | Fiom Mission Statement. Available online: https://fiom.nl/over-fiom/wie-wij-zijn/missie-visie (accessed on 15 April 2022). |
2 | The designation ‘respondents’ or ‘interview respondents’ always includes Subsamples 1 and 2. |
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Subsample | Type of Data | Participants | Participants in Relation to Total | Volume Material | Material in Relation to Total | Selection Based on Ritual Elements |
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Subsample 1: Fiom respondents | Interview | 11 | 20% | 176.583 words | 76% | No |
Subsample 2: Womb healing respondents | Interview | 2 | 3% | 21.181 words | 12.1% | Yes |
Subsample 3: Online personal accounts | Written personal story | 43 | 77% | 27.653 words | 11.9% | Yes |
Main Category of Ritualizing | Examples of Ritualizing | Ritual Meanings |
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Creating and using symbolic expressions privately |
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Creating and using symbolic expressions online |
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Honoring |
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Embodying |
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Share and Cite
Biel, K.; Braam, A.W.; Wojtkowiak, J. Ritualizing Abortion: A Qualitative Study on Ritual and Its Meanings in The Netherlands. Religions 2022, 13, 592. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13070592
Biel K, Braam AW, Wojtkowiak J. Ritualizing Abortion: A Qualitative Study on Ritual and Its Meanings in The Netherlands. Religions. 2022; 13(7):592. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13070592
Chicago/Turabian StyleBiel, Kiki, Arjan W. Braam, and Joanna Wojtkowiak. 2022. "Ritualizing Abortion: A Qualitative Study on Ritual and Its Meanings in The Netherlands" Religions 13, no. 7: 592. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13070592