Adult Maltese Women’s Understanding of How Childhood Domestic Violence Has Impacted Their Relationships with Their Parents and Siblings: A Grounded Theory Study
Abstract
:1. Introduction
1.1. Theoretical Ideas That Guided the Development of the Research Question and the Data Analysis
1.1.1. Cognitive-Contextual Framework
1.1.2. Emotional Security Theory
1.1.3. Coercive Family Processes
1.1.4. Family Systems Theory
1.1.5. Attachment Theory
1.1.6. Trauma Theory
1.1.7. A Resilience Framework
2. Methodology
2.1. Sample
2.2. Recruitment
2.3. Data Collection and Analysis
2.4. Credibility Checks
3. Findings
3.1. The Context for Understanding the Adult Women’s Recollections of Growing up in a Family Where There Was Domestic Violence
3.1.1. Living with Contradictions, Double Binds and Dilemmas of Love and Abuse
“Because I used to see my mum... with all that fear and all that bitterness and then I used to see her so full of love for him... that I used to say... but did mum really love him or because she is afraid of him... Maybe she’s faking (the love) because she is afraid?”(Seana) [2] (p. 234).
“and I used not to respect the curfew that he gave me and when I used to return home, I used to get butchered… literately, he used to beat me with the dog’s leash….beating me with his fist, in my eyes, in my stomach, everywhere…“During that time, I used to pray to Jesus so that he has an accident and he dies”…”and I had a good childhood...he was not violent… I was the apple of his eye…… I guess as I grew up, he wanted to raise me well”(Farrah) [2] (p. 2).
3.1.2. Being Triangulated in the Parental Conflict
“My sisters didn’t do anything. But I was the one who always got involved between them. It is because these things bother you. It bothers me to see my mother getting hurt and beaten. So I used to go between them. I used to get punches… Even though I would be punched. As long as I managed to separate my mother away from him… That’s what I always wanted to do”(Marika) [2] (p. 213).
3.1.3. Turning Points, Change and Resilience
“I started realising what this experience was all about when I started working in the domestic violence unit and I found myself working there because I had never wanted to work in the DV …, I wanted to work in child protection, with children …, I did not want to work in DV. And then when I found myself in the DV unit, it started dawning on me …, and we’re talking about a time when I had already got married and had the children and that I had done my degree and look how long it took me to see it as DV. And there I started learning …, there I started understanding …, when I used to read on DV, and how children experience DV, I started saying …, oh …, this is the same as I used to feel because I had never seen it in this way…… And I think, working in DV, reading and studying …, it was therapeutic for me because this was a way, I could understand and when you understand, you contain.”(Mary) [2] (p. 231).
3.2. Father-Daughter Relationship: Growing up in the Shadow of a Violent Father and Dealing with Dynamics of Fear, Love and Retaliation
“Yes, he was in the leisure business,… And he used to return home very late; he used to come home drunk and he used to come home to have sex with mummy; I don’t know, perhaps she did not let him or she used to be sleepy … At three o’ clock in the morning, it is not nice to wake up…, nowadays, I understand this …, and he started to beat her, and he started to beat her a lot and there were beatings in front of us, it was ugly …, Sometimes with a broom, sometimes on her head with the jewel box, throwing her here and there … so we saw a lot of this”(Jessica).
“…, and she used to wake me up [at night] to go with her to the bathroom. That’s the extent that she was frightened [of him]…,”(Jessica) [2] (p. 136).
“I remember once he had to go to the toilet to expectorate his catarrh and he spat everywhere, everywhere—maybe I was about 5 years—and then all of a sudden he told my mother—you can clean now—we will still go out. And I was still about 5 years—and I still look at him now and I feel anger inside me and I remember my mother cleaning after him …, he was …, he was cruel…”(Claire) [2] (p. 137).
“… I remember having a good relationship …, Around 3 years of age …, primary school age …, let’s say till 10 years of age; Yes, till around Holy communion (around 7yrs) …, I had a very good relationship with my father …, …I was always going around with him; I used to help him in his work, he used to take us out, he used to take us out for walks here and there …, he used to take us to his aunts and uncles, who for me, were old in years and elderly and they were interesting people and I used to stay exploring their house …, but then I think that the older that I got, the more I started understanding and seeing more what was happening in the house”(Mary) [2] (p. 143).
“fear, terror, we all used to be horribly scared of him …, he gave us one look and it was terrifying …, literally terrifying …, and it’s understandable since he would beat us terribly, that we will remember those beatings for the rest of our lives …, and really and truly for the rest of your life. Once …, he gave me this incredible beating with a hose …, I can still feel that beating to the present day …, it was one of those green garden hoses …, and you know why all this? Because my mum had left home …, so we were alone with him in the house …, he had sent me to buy something for him and I met my uncle, my mother’s brother and he gave me 10c and I being just a child, I bought some sweet sticks. They used to be 1c each so I bought 10 of them. I was going to divide them between us siblings …, maybe at that time we were still about four siblings …, I went back home and I was giving these sweets out …, and he told me “Where did you get the money from?” and I told him …, and let me tell you, he beat me with this rubber hose and each hit was a searing painful hit …, it was terrifying …,”(Anita) [2] (p. 138).
3.3. The Mother-Daughter Relationship as a Child: Dynamics of Love, Abuse, Protection, and Betrayal
“Let me tell you, more than picking on me …, let me tell you …, because my mother was worse and I feel more personally damaging than my father …, because her harassment was continuous …, it was continuous …, and I was a quiet child and introverted and she used to find me …, and I used to give her the opportunity to be her punching ball and whenever she felt like it she would lash out at me …, do you understand? …, it was continuously like that …, continuously …, Once my grandparents were going on a hike with my uncle who was coming for them with the car and my grandmother told me not to bother go back home to my mother. The next day my mother beat me with a shoe on my head until my head was bleeding, I had blood running down onto my school uniform and she sent me to school with my head still bleeding”(Anita) [2] (p. 151).
3.4. Sibling Relationships in Childhood: Protection, Abuse, Witnessing, Triangulation and Support
“I think that I am the only one of my siblings who managed to take money from him… I used to do it not as a form of stealing but to help the family (laughs)”(Sara) [2] (p. 155).
“Last time they [mother and sister] were talking to each other and they were saying how lively and happy my daughter is and my mum said—this is how Claire was- and my siblings didn’t want to believe her—who Claire? She’s so difficult and she does not smile a lot…. and then my mother didn’t say anything but she told them but this is how I know…”
“Yes, yes. First of all, I was the eldest and I have witnessed a lot of things that… till this very day, my siblings did not see and if the one after me saw them, she did not see the same things or she has not realised what she saw but—she either tried to forget them or in her own way, she’s trying to work it out in another way- all of us are doing it—the girls—three girls and a boy.”(Claire) [2] (p. 156).
“What I remember most, was that in our house, there was a lot, a lot of anger, even between us siblings, between me and my brothers …, ferocious anger …, for example …, I don’t know …, we fight about something and then we used to go to each other’s rooms turn everything upside down and create havoc to each other’s things …, and that is the rage that we used to feel”(Mary) [2] (p. 155).
3.5. The Daughter-Father Relationship in Adulthood: Cycle of Cut-Off and Connection, Dealing with Anger, Fear, Bitterness and Betrayal Together with Possibilities of Forgiveness and Redemption
“I don’t know how to explain it…but in reality, it hurts…because you would wish that things were different…and you do wish that things one day will be different but then you rationalise and it does not…. It’s like you do recognise the need inside you but you know it is not helpful… I believe that it is that feeling that every girl feels about her father, that he should be in her life, but then reality kicks in and you realise that it cannot be possible…”(Donna) [2] (p. 168).
“…because when he was dying of cancer, I used to visit him every day- at the end I had grown very close to my father……after my husband got murdered, my father realised that he did wrong. He would tell me ‘you never wanted to get married, you married because of me…… He used to tell me ‘bring your daughter home and we will take care of her for you—go out, study—do whatever you need to do for yourself”(Farrah) [2] (p. 170).
“yes. I can say that we don’t really get on well with each other. I can say we don’t know anything about each other; we don’t talk too much to each other. Ok I go home, and I have to live with them when I go home for a visit. But now I am an adult. So when I was a child, he could control me. Now he cannot and I don’t even care, because whatever he says, he thinks that he is always right. He is always perfect, anything and anybody else can be only wrong, and our relationship is still bad and this is not going to change because I have tried and my sister has tried so many times to make it better but it is not enough for us to try and change. It cannot be one-sided and my father is not going to change, so our relationship is just going to remain like that or worse, unfortunately”(Hannah) [2] (p. 163).
3.6. The Daughter-Mother Relationship in Adulthood: Persistence of Anger and Sadness, Love and Protection of the Mother and Witnessing the Mother-Daughter’s Relationship Transformation
3.7. The Relationship with Siblings in Adulthood: The Persistence and Significance of Early Family of Origin Roles
4. Discussion
4.1. Implications for Therapeutic Practice
4.2. Reflections on the Limitations and Strengths of the Study and Ideas for Future Research
Author Contributions
Funding
Institutional Review Board Statement
Informed Consent Statement
Data Availability Statement
Acknowledgments
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Pseudonym | Age | Birth Order | Employment | Relationship Status | Children |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Geraldine | 35 | 1st of 3 siblings | Care worker in residential care | Separated | None |
Rose | 26 | 2nd of 2 | Clerk | Single | None |
Mary | 37 | 1st of 4 | Professional in caring profession | Married | 2 |
Seana | 27 | 2nd of 2 | Sales executive | In a steady relationship | None |
Sandra | 30 | 1st of 3 | Media executive | Single | None |
Jessica | 37 | 3rd of 4 | Clerk | Separating and in a steady relationship | 2 |
Anita | 34 | 3rd of 5 | Care worker | Married | 2 |
Carmen | 34 | 1st of 3 half siblings | Care worker | Married | 2 |
Hannah | 30 | 2nd of 2 | Teacher | Married | None |
Tori | 21 | Only child | Student | Single | None |
Farrah | 43 | 3rd of 3 | Administrator | In a steady relationship | 2 |
Marika | 20 | 1st of 3 | Clerk | Single | None |
Sara | 27 | 2nd of 4 | Student in caring profession | Married | 3 |
Claire | 40 | 1st of 4 | Teacher | Married | 1 |
Donna | 23 | 1st of 3 | Student in caring profession | In a steady relationship | 1 |
Pseudonym | Age | Exposed to Physical Assault: Father- Only on Mother; Mother-Only on Father or Mutually Violent Parents; Exposed to Emotional Violence | Experienced Physical and Emotional Abuse by Father, on Participant | Experienced Physical and/or Emotional Abuse by Mother, on Participant |
---|---|---|---|---|
Geraldine | 35 | Yes—often sadistic physical and emotional violence from father towards mother; emotional violence from mother to father | Severe physical, emotional and sexual abuse by father | Emotionally abused by mother |
Rose | 26 | Yes, father-only physical assault and emotional violence | Physically abused by father; Retaliated against father with aggression during teens | No abuse indicated |
Mary | 37 | Yes, father-only physical assault; mutually emotionally violent parents | Physically and emotionally abused by father | No abuse indicated |
Seana | 27 | Father–only physical and emotional assault. | Physically and emotionally abused by father; Physical and emotional abuse was still ongoing as an adult; Physically and emotionally abused by siblings | No abuse indicated |
Sandra | 30 | Father-only physical and emotional assault | Yes, physically abused by father; Retaliated with aggression during teens | Physical and emotionally abused by mother |
Jessica | 37 | Father-only physical and emotional assault leading to the mother’s murder | Physically and emotionally abused by father; Emotional abuse by father was ongoing as an adult | No abuse indicated |
Anita | 34 | Father-only physical and emotional assault; Mother emotionally violent | Physically and emotionally abused by father | Severe physical, emotional abuse and neglect by mother |
Carmen | 34 | Step-father only physical and emotional assault | Severely physically and emotionally abused by step father | Severe physical, emotional abuse and neglect by mother |
Hannah | 30 | Father only physical assault | Physically and emotionally abused by father | No abuse indicated |
Tori | 21 | Witnessed father holding gun to mother; Mutual emotionally violent parents; | No abuse by father | Severe physical, emotional abuse by mother |
Farrah | 43 | Father-only emotional assault on mother | Severe physical and emotional assault by father | No abuse indicated |
Marika | 21 | Father-only physical and emotional assault | Severe physically and emotionally abused by father; Emotional abuse was ongoing; Was aggressive towards younger sibling | No abuse indicated |
Sara | 27 | Father-only physical and emotional assault | Severely physically and emotionally abused by father | No abuse indicated |
Claire | 40 | Father-only physical assault; parents mutually emotionally violent | Physically and emotionally abused by father | Physical abuse by mother but not considered as severe as that of father |
Donna | 23 | Father-only physical and emotional assault Emotional assault on mother is ongoing when mother opts to meet him | Physically and emotionally abused by father | No abuse indicated |
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Sammut-Scerri, C.; Vetere, A. Adult Maltese Women’s Understanding of How Childhood Domestic Violence Has Impacted Their Relationships with Their Parents and Siblings: A Grounded Theory Study. Behav. Sci. 2024, 14, 333. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs14040333
Sammut-Scerri C, Vetere A. Adult Maltese Women’s Understanding of How Childhood Domestic Violence Has Impacted Their Relationships with Their Parents and Siblings: A Grounded Theory Study. Behavioral Sciences. 2024; 14(4):333. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs14040333
Chicago/Turabian StyleSammut-Scerri, Clarissa, and Arlene Vetere. 2024. "Adult Maltese Women’s Understanding of How Childhood Domestic Violence Has Impacted Their Relationships with Their Parents and Siblings: A Grounded Theory Study" Behavioral Sciences 14, no. 4: 333. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs14040333